Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate

Survey results just released show near unanimous agreement among professionals that children can be manipulated by one parent to turn against the other parent. Continue reading

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Why Kids Shouldn’t “Visit” Parents This Summer

Summertime, for school-age children, should be when the living is easy. It is a time for exploration, new experiences, and an extended break from the grind of studies. Family vacations create life-long memories.

For children whose parents live apart, these memories can be ripe with joy or rife with stress. Divorced parents need to make special efforts to ensure that their children enjoy a summer that enriches their lives rather than burdens their souls. Use the following tips as guides to avoid the most common pitfalls that poison children’s summertime pleasures. To read the entire article on The Huffington Post, learn the explanation for the title of this post, “Like” it, share it on Facebook and Twitter, and leave comments, click here.

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Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers

Mother’s Day is not a happy occasion for mothers whose children reject them. On this day your children should be honoring you and celebrating your contributions to their lives. Instead, their love for you has been disowned under the influence of an insecure or vindictive parent.

If you have come to terms with your children’s rejection, and moved on with your life, dwelling on the significance of this day may merely open old wounds. Some mothers, though, may want to consider the following suggestion.

If your children fail to contact you today, or treat you with disdain, and you have a thick skin, consider calling them to let them know (via voice mail if they do not take your calls) that on this day you celebrate your role as their mother, you accept that they can not, and you look forward to the day when they will be able to recover their identity as children of two parents.

For all rejected mothers, please do not allow the smears about you to affect your view of reality. It does not matter how forcefully or repeatedly your ex and your children put you down. This does not change the reality of who you are and how much your children have benefitted from your love and care.

My final Mother’s Day message is one of hope. As alienated children grow up, some (we don’t know what percent) begin thinking for themselves and reach out to a parent they have rejected. I do not believe in giving false hope to people. In the case of estranged parent-child relationships, though, there is reason for hope. To keep you going while you wait for your children to rediscover their bond to you, you may find it helpful to read about successfully restored relationships.

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Milestone: 100 Five-Star Reviews of Divorce Poison on Amazon!

As I mention in the Introduction to the revised edition of Divorce Poison, it has been so gratifying to hear from readers who find my work helpful in navigating a difficult passage in their life. I am grateful, too, that so many readers have taken the time to post reviews on Amazon.com. I am proud that Divorce Poison has the highest average rating of all the books on Amazon’s best-seller list in the category of Divorce.

On May 1, 2011, the one hundredth five-star review was left by an alienated mother. Such a milestone, which far outpaces any other book in Amazon’s Divorce category, helps raise awareness of this problem.

I have been keeping track of the reviews; I notice that, when it is clear that the review has been written by a mother or father,  mothers outnumber  fathers. Along with the many grandmothers, aunts, cousins, stepmothers, half-sisters, and stepsisters whose well-being has been derailed by the disruption of loving relationships, the number of women who have been moved enough to leave a positive comment about my book on Amazon supports my claim that the problem of parental alienation cuts across gender lines.

I hope that those who advocate for women’s interests will recognize the importance of drawing attention to the harmful impact of alienating behavior, regardless of what label they attach to the problem. The legitimate concern about parental alienation claims being used to discount the reality of other forms of child abuse need not blind us to the reality that many parents engage in behaviors that poison children’s love and respect for their other parent and needlessly deprive children of loving relationships.

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NY Higher Court Decision on Parental Alienation

MATTER OF BOND v. MacLEOD 2011 NY Slip Op 03153 509360.Appellate Division of the Supreme Court of New York, Third Department. Decided April 21, 2011.

Based upon the expressed preferences of 13-year-old and 11-year-old children, and the mother ceasing her contacts with the children in the face of their protests, the attorney for the children sought to end the mother’s parenting time. The Appellate Court upheld as credible the Family Court’s finding that the mother stopped the contacts out of frustration in response to the children’s repeated refusals to see her. The attorney for the children cited other reasons for the children’s rejection of their mother, including a one-time argument between the daughter and the maternal grandmother in which the mother chose not to intervene, the mother’s failure to attend the children’s extracurricular activities, and the children’s dislike of the mother’s boyfriend. The Appellate Court did not find these reasons compelling. Continue reading

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What Divorced Parents Can Learn From Atlas Shrugged

Fifty-four years after publication, Ayn Rand’s magnum opus, Atlas Shrugged, has hit the big screen, opening to modest success by independent film standards. It is currently #6 on Amazon, and the “second most influential book for Americans today” according to a Library of Congress and Book of the Month Club survey. Millions of readers from across the political spectrum (including many well-known celebrities) have read “Atlas” and publicly acknowledge the positive contributions of Ayn Rand’s novels to their happiness and pursuit of excellence.

Atlas Shrugged’s position on politics, society, and self-interest draws cheers and jeers, and many people part company with the author on various issues. What inspires most fans, and a reason for its enduring popularity, is its noble vision of remaining true to cherished values. It is a vision that divorced parents can embrace to resist powerful temptations to trash an ex. To read the entire article on The Huffington Post, “Like” it, share it on Facebook and Twitter, and leave comments, click here.

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Critics Continue to Draw Attention to My Work

Once again I must thank my critics for doing such a good job of promoting my work. Their latest assistance came in the form of protest letters to the organization that invited me to deliver the keynote speech at their annual conference in Massachusetts. The campaign to alienate me from New England professionals backfired. For the first time in the organization’s eighteen-year history, the conference sold out, leaving a waiting list of disappointed professionals denied entrance to the packed house. Continue reading

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Why Did You and Daddy Get Divorced?

When parents decide to divorce they face the difficult challenge of telling the children. The task is so difficult that about one in four parents say nothing to the children. They leave the kids to figure out for themselves what is happening to their family. Only one in twenty parents do it right. They explain what is going on, what is going to happen, and what will be different for the children. And they promote an atmosphere in which kids feel free to ask questions and express their worries. Continue reading

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NH Supreme Court on Parental Alienation

In a stunning ruling, of interest to all those concerned with parental alienation, the Supreme Court of New Hampshire overturned a lower court’s award of custody to a mother who was found to be alienating her children from their father. Continue reading

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PAX

Announcing a new category in Plutoverse: Parental Alienation Exchange or PAX. This is in response to a suggestion by a mother in Australia who would like to see a central registry where alienated parents can connect, communicate, and coordinate their efforts to raise awareness of the effects of divorce poison.

Her thought was that a category in Plutoverse would allow people to link up to their country’s central registry. I suggest that comments to this post begin by simply stating the poster’s geographical location (e.g., AUSTRALIA).

PAX is the Latin word for peace. I hope this resource will help alienated parents find some peace through connections with others who have walked in their shoes.

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Posted in PAX-Parental Alienation Exchange | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments