<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" > <channel> <title> Comments on: Six Tips to Give Children Better Holidays </title> <atom:link href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/</link> <description>Understanding, preventing, and overcoming parental alienation</description> <lastBuildDate>Mon, 20 Dec 2010 19:20:38 +0000</lastBuildDate> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <generator>https://wordpress.org/?v=6.1.7</generator> <item> <title> By: Janta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-764</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Janta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 20 Dec 2010 19:20:38 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-764</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-748">[name withheld by admin]</a>. How awful for you! What I find really interesting is that my ex also completely ignored one of our daughters when she was little - unless she was crying, in which case he had negative things to say about her. He would not hold her after she was born - the first time he picked her up was 2 weeks after birth, and only because I needed his help as I was busy with our older child (who was still just a baby, too). This rejection continued for years; I was practically a single parent in regard to our younger daughter. He refused to look after her, which also meant that I could not be as available to our older daughter as much as I would have liked and she would have needed. He would play with the older child and ignore the younger child's obvious wish to join in. This abated when she grew older. About three weeks before I left my ex, their relationship very suddenly changed. I remember coming home from work and he was really engaging with her. I thought it was strange and had an odd feeling about this, especially as they were play-fighting (our daughter does martial arts), and I had seen too much violence from him in the past (several years previously) to find that funny. Also, at the same time he seemed to be trying to push me out of the family, even scheduling dinner on a couple of occasions so that by the time I came home, they had already eaten. However, I thought that it was a good thing he was finally putting in more effort with his daughter. After I left him and shortly before both of our daughters became alienated from me, I overheard a phone conversation between our younger daughter and my ex, during which he suddenly took an avid interest in who her friends were, what their names were, and what they were like. (I would say a normal parent would have learned these things over the years, especially when some of these children had come to our house every now and then. I certainly knew who my daughter's friends were.) My daughter was clearly happy that he was suddenly taking such an interest in her, and I was surprised that he had such long phone conversations with our both of our daughters, when he had not had such long, intensive talks with them about their friends and interests before. Again I thought it was a good thing he was finally making an effort, but I was also suspicious of it, and I had to set a time limit on their phone conversations when our daughters were at my place. I knew nothing about parental alienation then, but I was aware that he was deliberately encroaching on my time with them. I had no idea that it would lead to our daughters' complete rejection of me, though. In terms of an alienating parent previously ignoring or excluding a child, I have also heard a similar story from a friend who has recently been rejected by her daughter. A few years ago, the other parent would not acknowledge one of the girl's siblings for quite some time after that child was born, and was very disengaged from him for the first few years of his life. Is there a pattern?]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-748">[name withheld by admin]</a>.</p> <p>How awful for you! What I find really interesting is that my ex also completely ignored one of our daughters when she was little – unless she was crying, in which case he had negative things to say about her. He would not hold her after she was born – the first time he picked her up was 2 weeks after birth, and only because I needed his help as I was busy with our older child (who was still just a baby, too). This rejection continued for years; I was practically a single parent in regard to our younger daughter. He refused to look after her, which also meant that I could not be as available to our older daughter as much as I would have liked and she would have needed. He would play with the older child and ignore the younger child’s obvious wish to join in. This abated when she grew older. About three weeks before I left my ex, their relationship very suddenly changed. I remember coming home from work and he was really engaging with her. I thought it was strange and had an odd feeling about this, especially as they were play-fighting (our daughter does martial arts), and I had seen too much violence from him in the past (several years previously) to find that funny. Also, at the same time he seemed to be trying to push me out of the family, even scheduling dinner on a couple of occasions so that by the time I came home, they had already eaten. However, I thought that it was a good thing he was finally putting in more effort with his daughter. After I left him and shortly before both of our daughters became alienated from me, I overheard a phone conversation between our younger daughter and my ex, during which he suddenly took an avid interest in who her friends were, what their names were, and what they were like. (I would say a normal parent would have learned these things over the years, especially when some of these children had come to our house every now and then. I certainly knew who my daughter’s friends were.) My daughter was clearly happy that he was suddenly taking such an interest in her, and I was surprised that he had such long phone conversations with our both of our daughters, when he had not had such long, intensive talks with them about their friends and interests before. Again I thought it was a good thing he was finally making an effort, but I was also suspicious of it, and I had to set a time limit on their phone conversations when our daughters were at my place. I knew nothing about parental alienation then, but I was aware that he was deliberately encroaching on my time with them. I had no idea that it would lead to our daughters’ complete rejection of me, though.<br /> In terms of an alienating parent previously ignoring or excluding a child, I have also heard a similar story from a friend who has recently been rejected by her daughter. A few years ago, the other parent would not acknowledge one of the girl’s siblings for quite some time after that child was born, and was very disengaged from him for the first few years of his life. Is there a pattern?</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> By: [name withheld by admin] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-748</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by admin]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 20 Dec 2010 03:40:51 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-748</guid> <description><![CDATA[Sadly, however, the only people reading this are probably the victimized parents. Disturbed individuals like my son's father are too wrapped up in their own bizarre revenge schemes (or whatever his motivation for his sick behavior is) to take any interest in what is best for their children. And the courts allow this to happen. My son's father ignored him for 15 months. COMPLETELY ignored. Despite being a block away once a week, he refused to even acknowledge our son, much less see him. But when he was getting remarried, and she wanted to play mommy, he suddenly claimed he was "denied." He's sending email threatening to terminate his parental rights, but he's "denied?" but because he's a psychologist, the courts lapped it up, and my son's paid the price. Makes me so angry.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Sadly, however, the only people reading this are probably the victimized parents. Disturbed individuals like my son’s father are too wrapped up in their own bizarre revenge schemes (or whatever his motivation for his sick behavior is) to take any interest in what is best for their children. And the courts allow this to happen. My son’s father ignored him for 15 months. COMPLETELY ignored. Despite being a block away once a week, he refused to even acknowledge our son, much less see him. But when he was getting remarried, and she wanted to play mommy, he suddenly claimed he was “denied.” He’s sending email threatening to terminate his parental rights, but he’s “denied?” but because he’s a psychologist, the courts lapped it up, and my son’s paid the price. Makes me so angry.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> By: Janta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-615</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Janta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 15 Dec 2010 12:01:57 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-615</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-587">Sharon</a>. Hi Sharon I don't know if this is helpful to you, but I tend to assume the best case scenario and prepare for that. Of course, you are setting yourself up for disappointment more often than not, but the alternative is to disappoint your child (as justified as that would seem given lack of communication, etc.) Make a plan B for yourself in case your child does not turn up or leaves early, and be determined to have as good a time in that plan B scenario as possible. In that case, it would be really important for you to be with supportive friends and family. I would get the kinds of gifts you would normally get for your child and put up the usual decorations, do the usual rituals, etc., and hopefully your child will come and see you. All children have to accept they cannot have everything they would like. In any case, alienated children are as likely to criticise you for expensive gifts as for, say, home-made ones. They will even criticise you for giving gifts per se, accusing you of trying to buy them. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. I would definitely have some gifts ready for your child, though. They do not have to be expensive. If your child does not come to pick them up, send them to your child after Christmas. If you do not know if your child receives your gifts, consider sending them by registered post, take a photo of what you are sending, and use other avenues (emails, cards, phonecalls, etc.) to let your child know you have sent them a Christmas present. If your child does come and see you at Christmas, but behaves generally ungrateful and obnoxious, hang in there. Been there, done it; it is horrible. Perhaps Dr Warshak has some tips on what to do if they behave like that? Have faith that some part of your child does care and is glad that you have gone to the trouble. If you think about it, regardless of how your child is behaving, he or she would be devastated if you did not at least try. Christmas is such an important part of childhood memories and your child's connection to you, so I would try to keep everything as normal as possible. I found on one occasion, when my children were specifically directed by a judge to spend Christmas with me, they were actually fine, for the first time in months. I put it down to the fact that they did not have to take responsibility for being with me. They could blame the judge for having to spend time with me, and once that was out of the way, they seemed almost relieved. We had a nice time. This is of course contrary to the often-made assumption by judges and lawyers (even your own one) that alienated children will rebel if "forced" by a court. I have consistently observed the opposite in my girls, and yet the court has hung on to this notion, despite the evidence. The time they were not explicitly court-directed (or rather, the parenting order was in limbo at that point), they were sulky, unhelpful, and said they did not feel like opening their presents because of the horrible things I had supposedly done. I am sure it was as awful for them as it was for me. We got through it somehow, and their presents to me were actually very thoughtful - which tells me underneath that hostile behaviour was still a positive connection with me. In terms of hanging on to hope, as an example, I have recently spruced up my daughters' bedrooms, which have been empty for 2 and a half years, except for the rare and infrequent overnight stay. They have never really lived here, as I moved out of the family home when I left my ex, which was the safest option for me. After I had initially tried to set up a shared custody arrangement with the father, which the children (teenagers) at first said they wanted (and which was shot down by my ex, who does does not like "rules" and instilled this in our daughters), my daughters were alienated and refused to live with me within three weeks or so of separation. It would be much cheaper for me to just rent somewhere else smaller where they would have to sleep on the floor or share a room, and in a cheaper area away from their friends and school, but as long as I can afford it, I will provide a stable home for them, if they chose it. They will be ready to go to university within the next couple of years, so they may never live here. Of course, that does not make me feel good, but I want them know that I always stood my ground for them, or as long as I could, at least. So prepare for Christmas with your child as you would normally celebrate it, because - as my therapist said to me - you are still his or her mum, whether your child acknowledges that or not. It may also be good for your own sake if you continue to play that role, even if it is difficult. Good luck!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-587">Sharon</a>.</p> <p>Hi Sharon<br /> I don’t know if this is helpful to you, but I tend to assume the best case scenario and prepare for that. Of course, you are setting yourself up for disappointment more often than not, but the alternative is to disappoint your child (as justified as that would seem given lack of communication, etc.) Make a plan B for yourself in case your child does not turn up or leaves early, and be determined to have as good a time in that plan B scenario as possible. In that case, it would be really important for you to be with supportive friends and family. I would get the kinds of gifts you would normally get for your child and put up the usual decorations, do the usual rituals, etc., and hopefully your child will come and see you. All children have to accept they cannot have everything they would like. In any case, alienated children are as likely to criticise you for expensive gifts as for, say, home-made ones. They will even criticise you for giving gifts per se, accusing you of trying to buy them. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I would definitely have some gifts ready for your child, though. They do not have to be expensive. If your child does not come to pick them up, send them to your child after Christmas. If you do not know if your child receives your gifts, consider sending them by registered post, take a photo of what you are sending, and use other avenues (emails, cards, phonecalls, etc.) to let your child know you have sent them a Christmas present.<br /> If your child does come and see you at Christmas, but behaves generally ungrateful and obnoxious, hang in there. Been there, done it; it is horrible. Perhaps Dr Warshak has some tips on what to do if they behave like that?<br /> Have faith that some part of your child does care and is glad that you have gone to the trouble. If you think about it, regardless of how your child is behaving, he or she would be devastated if you did not at least try. Christmas is such an important part of childhood memories and your child’s connection to you, so I would try to keep everything as normal as possible. I found on one occasion, when my children were specifically directed by a judge to spend Christmas with me, they were actually fine, for the first time in months. I put it down to the fact that they did not have to take responsibility for being with me. They could blame the judge for having to spend time with me, and once that was out of the way, they seemed almost relieved. We had a nice time. This is of course contrary to the often-made assumption by judges and lawyers (even your own one) that alienated children will rebel if “forced” by a court. I have consistently observed the opposite in my girls, and yet the court has hung on to this notion, despite the evidence. The time they were not explicitly court-directed (or rather, the parenting order was in limbo at that point), they were sulky, unhelpful, and said they did not feel like opening their presents because of the horrible things I had supposedly done. I am sure it was as awful for them as it was for me. We got through it somehow, and their presents to me were actually very thoughtful – which tells me underneath that hostile behaviour was still a positive connection with me.<br /> In terms of hanging on to hope, as an example, I have recently spruced up my daughters’ bedrooms, which have been empty for 2 and a half years, except for the rare and infrequent overnight stay. They have never really lived here, as I moved out of the family home when I left my ex, which was the safest option for me. After I had initially tried to set up a shared custody arrangement with the father, which the children (teenagers) at first said they wanted (and which was shot down by my ex, who does does not like “rules” and instilled this in our daughters), my daughters were alienated and refused to live with me within three weeks or so of separation. It would be much cheaper for me to just rent somewhere else smaller where they would have to sleep on the floor or share a room, and in a cheaper area away from their friends and school, but as long as I can afford it, I will provide a stable home for them, if they chose it. They will be ready to go to university within the next couple of years, so they may never live here. Of course, that does not make me feel good, but I want them know that I always stood my ground for them, or as long as I could, at least.</p> <p>So prepare for Christmas with your child as you would normally celebrate it, because – as my therapist said to me – you are still his or her mum, whether your child acknowledges that or not. It may also be good for your own sake if you continue to play that role, even if it is difficult. Good luck!</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> By: Sharon </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-587</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Sharon]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 14 Dec 2010 21:54:45 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-587</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-391">Dr. Richard A. Warshak</a>. Yes, exactly. What do you do when the child refuses to see you on a regular basis, but expects you to suddenly prepare a Christmas celebration and buy them expensive gifts? How do we respond?]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-391">Dr. Richard A. Warshak</a>.</p> <p>Yes, exactly. What do you do when the child refuses to see you on a regular basis, but expects you to suddenly prepare a Christmas celebration and buy them expensive gifts? How do we respond?</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> By: Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-490</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 12 Dec 2010 12:49:56 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-490</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-436">Cindy</a>. Since you invited her to tell you which boots she wanted, and she responded, send her the boots with a note expressing your love and asking her to let you know she received the gift and how she likes the boots. If you do not hear from her after a reasonable period of time, write her and ask if the boots arrived and did she like them. Many severely estranged children refuse all contact with a parent. Your daughter is communicating, albeit infrequently. If she only communicates for the purpose of getting money and gifts, you are correct that she may be exploiting you. But before rejecting this form of contact with you, consider that many college students communicate with their parents only when they need something. They are, essentially, very self-centered. But, generally this type of self-centered behavior does not last. When in doubt about whether your children's communication represents some attempt to stay connected or is merely a means to exploit you, I think you should err in the direction of maintaining the contact. You do not have to be overly generous. It is possible as you allude to in your statement that "her love language may be gifts," that, at this point in her life, and in her current context, this is the only way she can feel comfortable having contact. Perhaps this allows her to tell her father that she only emailed you so that she could get the boots. This does not mean that this is all she feels.<em> A love that is built up over many years of nurturing, but is no longer evident, does not necessarily mean that it has evaporated. It could be underground, lying dormant, waiting for maturity and circumstances to allow its expression.</em>]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-436">Cindy</a>.</p> <p>Since you invited her to tell you which boots she wanted, and she responded, send her the boots with a note expressing your love and asking her to let you know she received the gift and how she likes the boots. If you do not hear from her after a reasonable period of time, write her and ask if the boots arrived and did she like them.</p> <p>Many severely estranged children refuse all contact with a parent. Your daughter is communicating, albeit infrequently. If she only communicates for the purpose of getting money and gifts, you are correct that she may be exploiting you. But before rejecting this form of contact with you, consider that many college students communicate with their parents only when they need something. They are, essentially, very self-centered. But, generally this type of self-centered behavior does not last. When in doubt about whether your children’s communication represents some attempt to stay connected or is merely a means to exploit you, I think you should err in the direction of maintaining the contact. You do not have to be overly generous. It is possible as you allude to in your statement that “her love language may be gifts,” that, at this point in her life, and in her current context, this is the only way she can feel comfortable having contact. Perhaps this allows her to tell her father that she only emailed you so that she could get the boots. This does not mean that this is all she feels.<em> A love that is built up over many years of nurturing, but is no longer evident, does not necessarily mean that it has evaporated. It could be underground, lying dormant, waiting for maturity and circumstances to allow its expression.</em></p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> By: Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-488</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 12 Dec 2010 12:32:47 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-488</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-479">Janta</a>. You are correct. Often, the adult children feel like they are confessing, because they feel guilty for treating the parent with contempt and, in some cases, for lying about the rejected parent's behavior. But, the children are victims, and we want them to know that everyone is susceptible to outside influence that bypasses their critical thinking. A different label would be more appropriate. I have some in mind, but I invite suggestions from the Plutoverse community.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-479">Janta</a>.</p> <p>You are correct. Often, the adult children feel like they are confessing, because they feel guilty for treating the parent with contempt and, in some cases, for lying about the rejected parent’s behavior. But, the children are victims, and we want them to know that everyone is susceptible to outside influence that bypasses their critical thinking. A different label would be more appropriate. I have some in mind, but I invite suggestions from the Plutoverse community.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> By: Janta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-479</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Janta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 12 Dec 2010 02:37:00 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-479</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-391">Dr. Richard A. Warshak</a>. Is the "Confessions" label appropriate, though? It implies wrong-doing, and alienated children are victims. They have nothing to "confess" in that sense, even if at some point they feel as though they do. Rename it?]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-391">Dr. Richard A. Warshak</a>.</p> <p>Is the “Confessions” label appropriate, though? It implies wrong-doing, and alienated children are victims. They have nothing to “confess” in that sense, even if at some point they feel as though they do. Rename it?</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> By: Cindy </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-436</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Cindy]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 10 Dec 2010 22:41:31 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-436</guid> <description><![CDATA[Yes, What do we do about Christmas? My son has contact with my daughter. I asked that he tell her to check e-mail, for I wanted to buy them both a pair of good boots. She did, responded back as to which ones she wanted. That is the only correspondence I have had in a year. I want to continue to be who I am, but I do not want to condone exploitation. Her love language may be gifts, and I would love to comply once in awhile, but not all of the time and do want some kind of connection. This continues to be painful but I still hang on to hope and help from God through others.... :)]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Yes, What do we do about Christmas? My son has contact with my daughter. I asked that he tell her to check e-mail, for I wanted to buy them both a pair of good boots. She did, responded back as to which ones she wanted. That is the only correspondence I have had in a year. I want to continue to be who I am, but I do not want to condone exploitation. Her love language may be gifts, and I would love to comply once in awhile, but not all of the time and do want some kind of connection. This continues to be painful but I still hang on to hope and help from God through others…. 🙂</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> By: cxf </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-420</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[cxf]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 10 Dec 2010 14:26:44 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-420</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-391">Dr. Richard A. Warshak</a>. What are the long term implications for the emotional health of child, when the child suddenly realizes at an age of emotional maturity, that their actions were unwarranted and not in line with any historical experiences with the rejected parent? Do they feel regret, pain, sorrow ? I'm predicting a "Confessions from an Alienated Child" story in this blog at some point. Let's hear from kids, who are now adults, who have been alienated from a parent irrationally.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-391">Dr. Richard A. Warshak</a>.</p> <p>What are the long term implications for the emotional health of child, when the child suddenly realizes at an age of emotional maturity, that their actions were unwarranted and not in line with any historical experiences with the rejected parent? Do they feel regret, pain, sorrow ? I’m predicting a “Confessions from an Alienated Child” story in this blog at some point. Let’s hear from kids, who are now adults, who have been alienated from a parent irrationally.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> By: Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-391</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 10 Dec 2010 00:30:32 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-391</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-329">cxf</a>. Some severely alienated children will reject gifts. But others will take the gifts with a sense of entitlement, and show little appreciation. They may agree to see the rejected parent only for the purpose of receiving gifts and, in that way, exploit the parent.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-329">cxf</a>.</p> <p>Some severely alienated children will reject gifts. But others will take the gifts with a sense of entitlement, and show little appreciation. They may agree to see the rejected parent only for the purpose of receiving gifts and, in that way, exploit the parent.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> By: EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-388</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 09 Dec 2010 23:10:19 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-388</guid> <description><![CDATA[One might think it best that the child be permitted to take gifts, toys and other possessions between households at their pleasure, as much as practical, but the wisdom of therapists and the practice and rules of family courts predominantly insist that gifts from one parent stay in that parent's home, and that a parent rightly should have arbitrary power to veto the bringing of anything from the other parent into their home. Supervised visitation and exchange centers and providers often have rigid rules, some sometimes imposed by state law, proscribing under all circumstances the child being returned with anything they didn't arrive with, which are sometimes enforced by almost TSA-like searches of the child's person. Mitigating the opportunities for friction between parents in conflict is sometimes indicated, but it's an extremely sad commentary on our society that we so swiftly descend to accommodate the lowest common denominator, and set the worst possible example for our children.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>One might think it best that the child be permitted to take gifts, toys and other possessions between households at their pleasure, as much as practical, but the wisdom of therapists and the practice and rules of family courts predominantly insist that gifts from one parent stay in that parent’s home, and that a parent rightly should have arbitrary power to veto the bringing of anything from the other parent into their home. Supervised visitation and exchange centers and providers often have rigid rules, some sometimes imposed by state law, proscribing under all circumstances the child being returned with anything they didn’t arrive with, which are sometimes enforced by almost TSA-like searches of the child’s person.</p> <p>Mitigating the opportunities for friction between parents in conflict is sometimes indicated, but it’s an extremely sad commentary on our society that we so swiftly descend to accommodate the lowest common denominator, and set the worst possible example for our children.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> By: cxf </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-329</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[cxf]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 08 Dec 2010 12:50:55 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-329</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-311">Janta</a>. The advice is superb, when both parties are capable of implementing it. But often a severely alienated child will reject being in family pictures. A severely alienated child also will not accept Christmas gifts.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-311">Janta</a>.</p> <p>The advice is superb, when both parties are capable of implementing it. But often a severely alienated child will reject being in family pictures. A severely alienated child also will not accept Christmas gifts.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> By: Janta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/07/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays/#comment-311</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Janta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 08 Dec 2010 04:01:28 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=310#comment-311</guid> <description><![CDATA[And remember, as *Divorce Poison* suggests, to take photos and put them in an album for your children, so that they can always look at and remember the good memories :)]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>And remember, as *Divorce Poison* suggests, to take photos and put them in an album for your children, so that they can always look at and remember the good memories 🙂</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> </channel> </rss>