<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" > <channel> <title> Comments for Dr. Richard Warshak's Blog: Plutoverse </title> <atom:link href="https://warshak.com/blog/comments/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://warshak.com/blog</link> <description>Understanding, preventing, and overcoming parental alienation</description> <lastBuildDate>Sun, 04 Feb 2024 16:19:17 +0000</lastBuildDate> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <generator>https://wordpress.org/?v=6.1.7</generator> <item> <title> Comment on Origins of Batman by Anonymous </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2014/05/06/origins-of-batman/#comment-6079</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Anonymous]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 07 May 2014 22:02:11 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=894#comment-6079</guid> <description><![CDATA[Congratulations, bravo. What a nice story about your Batman research and the Batman story. Especially your personal sharing that you did this after you recovered from the enormous amount of time you put into the consensus article. It is wonderful that you had time to revisit your past research about the dynamics of Batman, after completing your monumental global contribution to children and families--your consensus article. You deserve hip hip hurrays from everybody. FBAC :-)]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Congratulations, bravo. What a nice story about your Batman research and the Batman story. Especially your personal sharing that you did this after you recovered from the enormous amount of time you put into the consensus article. It is wonderful that you had time to revisit your past research about the dynamics of Batman, after completing your monumental global contribution to children and families–your consensus article. You deserve hip hip hurrays from everybody. FBAC 🙂</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Daddy, Tell Me A Bedtime Story by Annabelle Twilley Richardson </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2014/04/06/daddy-tell-me-a-bedtime-story/#comment-5982</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Annabelle Twilley Richardson]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 12 Apr 2014 17:48:11 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=871#comment-5982</guid> <description><![CDATA[We learn best I think, when we share stories. This one brings to life the realities of parents, especially fathers in our current world. I can just hear a mother say "It's your turn !" when a baby cries. And Daddy gets up, groggy with sleep, and goes to his child. How many Moms will at least supplement breast with bottle to enable this to happen ? Thanks for this. Great illustration in support of sharing parenting equally if at all possible, after separation and divorce. Right from birth !]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>We learn best I think, when we share stories. This one brings to life the realities of parents, especially fathers in our current world. I can just hear a mother say “It’s your turn !” when a baby cries. And Daddy gets up, groggy with sleep, and goes to his child. How many Moms will at least supplement breast with bottle to enable this to happen ?<br /> Thanks for this. Great illustration in support of sharing parenting equally if at all possible, after separation and divorce. Right from birth !</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on What Courts Can Do About Parental Alienation by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2013/07/20/what-courts-can-do-about-parental-alienation/#comment-5918</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 22 Aug 2013 02:23:27 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=856#comment-5918</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2013/07/20/what-courts-can-do-about-parental-alienation/#comment-5905">mike jefffries</a>. Thanks Mike. I appreciate your support.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2013/07/20/what-courts-can-do-about-parental-alienation/#comment-5905">mike jefffries</a>.</p> <p>Thanks Mike. I appreciate your support.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on What Courts Can Do About Parental Alienation by Michael Craven </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2013/07/20/what-courts-can-do-about-parental-alienation/#comment-5915</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Michael Craven]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 02 Aug 2013 16:08:19 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=856#comment-5915</guid> <description><![CDATA[Your blog was very interesting and I look forward to watching Justice Brownstone's episode. Michael Craven Chicago Divorce Lawyer]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Your blog was very interesting and I look forward to watching Justice Brownstone’s episode.<br /> Michael Craven<br /> Chicago Divorce Lawyer</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on What Courts Can Do About Parental Alienation by [name withheld by administrator] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2013/07/20/what-courts-can-do-about-parental-alienation/#comment-5911</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by administrator]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 28 Jul 2013 01:41:38 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=856#comment-5911</guid> <description><![CDATA[Hi, I have a friend who is in desperate need for assistance due to parental alienation. She is the alienated parent although she has another daughter and is a great mother. She would need any help and guidance she can get. The problem is that she is now representing herself after having spent thousands of dollars on attorneys who ultimately did not help her so she is in danger of losing her houseand being broke. It seems as though you are located in Toronto? She lives in Orange County California. Can you provide any guidance or maybe a referral for someone who cares about this issue like yourself? She has another court date this week on Wednesday. She has not had unsupervised contact with her daughter in over a year. Her ex-husband is now suing for full legal custody because she will not allow for her daughter to have a passport. She fears her ex-husband will take her daughter out of the country and never come back. I can provide additional details if needed. I am just a friend trying to help another friend not lose her daughter whom she loves so much. Please help! Thank you!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hi, I have a friend who is in desperate need for assistance due to parental alienation. She is the alienated parent although she has another daughter and is a great mother. She would need any help and guidance she can get. The problem is that she is now representing herself after having spent thousands of dollars on attorneys who ultimately did not help her so she is in danger of losing her houseand being broke.</p> <p>It seems as though you are located in Toronto? She lives in Orange County California. Can you provide any guidance or maybe a referral for someone who cares about this issue like yourself? She has another court date this week on Wednesday. She has not had unsupervised contact with her daughter in over a year. Her ex-husband is now suing for full legal custody because she will not allow for her daughter to have a passport. She fears her ex-husband will take her daughter out of the country and never come back.</p> <p>I can provide additional details if needed. I am just a friend trying to help another friend not lose her daughter whom she loves so much. Please help! Thank you!</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on What Courts Can Do About Parental Alienation by [name withheld by administrator] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2013/07/20/what-courts-can-do-about-parental-alienation/#comment-5910</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by administrator]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 27 Jul 2013 13:49:04 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=856#comment-5910</guid> <description><![CDATA[As a remarried parent to 4 kids, I've experienced PA as a stepmom and as a mom. Divorce is hard enough, but to lose a child due to a vindictive ex who puts their needs of anger and revenge ahead of the child's right to have two parents in their lives (or a parent's right to have their child in their life!)--it's been a frustrating, disheartening, time-consuming, and expensive endeavor to keep them in our lives. When kids reach their teens (as young as 14), they have "aged out" in the court which means they have the power to choose if the judge asks them. These kids can't drink, smoke, or vote, but they can choose the parent they want to live with (what a huge burden to place on a child). So, without any of our influence on them to undue the damage; they continue to be poisoned, become more anxious, more sad and conflicted--and we have to stand by, file the requisite paperwork only to get it back and see that the alienator "won" again (at a huge cost to our kids). We received so much bad advice, that at this point, even though the mother moved 6 hours away without notice, without a forwarding address, without a valid reason to move; we still have little or no chance of asserting our parental rights and seeing the child again. One big lesson we've learned: if your child starts to refuse visitation and your ex bails them out and rescues them saying "well, I can't make them. It's not my fault they don't want to come," immediately go to court to enforce the custody orders. It only gets worse. My whole point in writing this is really, not to express the emotional pain we are in, but to thank you Dr. Warshak for your contributions to PA. The Pluto video is excellent (but the one who needs to watch it the most, won't), the articles and book Divorce Poison are extremely helpful, but I can't help thinking that it's the rejected/targeted parents who read all the literature, watch all the videos--and the alienators just go merrily along, through the courts and life, wrecking their children's lives for the sake of their own vindictive and selfish needs.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>As a remarried parent to 4 kids, I’ve experienced PA as a stepmom and as a mom. Divorce is hard enough, but to lose a child due to a vindictive ex who puts their needs of anger and revenge ahead of the child’s right to have two parents in their lives (or a parent’s right to have their child in their life!)–it’s been a frustrating, disheartening, time-consuming, and expensive endeavor to keep them in our lives. When kids reach their teens (as young as 14), they have “aged out” in the court which means they have the power to choose if the judge asks them. These kids can’t drink, smoke, or vote, but they can choose the parent they want to live with (what a huge burden to place on a child). So, without any of our influence on them to undue the damage; they continue to be poisoned, become more anxious, more sad and conflicted–and we have to stand by, file the requisite paperwork only to get it back and see that the alienator “won” again (at a huge cost to our kids). We received so much bad advice, that at this point, even though the mother moved 6 hours away without notice, without a forwarding address, without a valid reason to move; we still have little or no chance of asserting our parental rights and seeing the child again. One big lesson we’ve learned: if your child starts to refuse visitation and your ex bails them out and rescues them saying “well, I can’t make them. It’s not my fault they don’t want to come,” immediately go to court to enforce the custody orders. It only gets worse. My whole point in writing this is really, not to express the emotional pain we are in, but to thank you Dr. Warshak for your contributions to PA. The Pluto video is excellent (but the one who needs to watch it the most, won’t), the articles and book Divorce Poison are extremely helpful, but I can’t help thinking that it’s the rejected/targeted parents who read all the literature, watch all the videos–and the alienators just go merrily along, through the courts and life, wrecking their children’s lives for the sake of their own vindictive and selfish needs.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on What Courts Can Do About Parental Alienation by [name withheld by administrator] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2013/07/20/what-courts-can-do-about-parental-alienation/#comment-5909</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by administrator]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 26 Jul 2013 17:18:20 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=856#comment-5909</guid> <description><![CDATA[Good Morning, My daughter and I are in desperate need of help with parental alienation, abuse, and child abandonment. My ex-boyfriend has taken my child out of the country for the third summer in a row, since he got custody, I have multiple tape recordings and evidence. My ex is a famous climber and writer, and us retired. However, he gets 60 percent of my income, and has received thousands of dollars from me through judgements and incorrect income determinations. I am paying extensive money and I am controlled by my ex through my daughter. Please help me, ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Good Morning,</p> <p>My daughter and I are in desperate need of help with parental alienation, abuse, and child abandonment.</p> <p>My ex-boyfriend has taken my child out of the country for the third summer in a row, since he got custody,</p> <p>I have multiple tape recordings and evidence.</p> <p>My ex is a famous climber and writer, and us retired. However, he gets 60 percent of my income, and has received thousands of dollars from me through judgements and incorrect income determinations.</p> <p>I am paying extensive money and I am controlled by my ex through my daughter.</p> <p>Please help me,</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on What Courts Can Do About Parental Alienation by mike jefffries </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2013/07/20/what-courts-can-do-about-parental-alienation/#comment-5905</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[mike jefffries]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 23 Jul 2013 12:57:43 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=856#comment-5905</guid> <description><![CDATA[Keep up the great work. You are making a difference.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Keep up the great work. You are making a difference.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Managing Severe Cases of Parental Alienation by [name withheld by administrator] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2013/01/10/managing-severe-cases-of-parental-alienation/#comment-5809</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by administrator]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 11 Jan 2013 21:10:07 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=765#comment-5809</guid> <description><![CDATA[[Note: Identifying details in this comment are withheld by the blog administrator to protect the family's privacy.] Hello Dr. I am certain that you will find my case very interesting but yet very sad for my children. Divorce was finalized in [date withheld by admin] and it still continues unfortunately for two once promising young children. Now [ages withheld by admin] years of age. I was accused falsely of parental alienation as the GAL informed as I did it unconsciously. My ex reallocated mainly using [a relative with law enforcement connections]. Now 6 months after the fact, he and his girlfriend who has 4 children of her own plus my two live in a rental of 1135 sq. feet and have used his own children to tape record me with promises of never having to see mommy again. [location withheld by admin.] I would suggest that gender is playing a role as I asked the GAL exactly how many cases of PAS were cases by males as opposed to females being accused. He had no answer. My guess is that it rarely happens or in [location withheld by admin], it's the first. As no one seems to know what to do next for my children. I understand that the wheels of justice move slowly but more disturbingly is the reality that the domestic relations court system lacks the humanistic, empathy and compassion necessary to do a thorough job. We expect these characteristcs from other professionals is it too costly to mandate humanism in our DR courts? is it too costly to educate our family law practictioners? I would think not afterall what price would you pay for saving one child from the ugliness of the lack of adaptability of the current system in place? Perhaps we should look at healthcare industry. We demand from our health providers nothing less especially when it comes to our children. Why should DR courts be different? What happens in the trenches of day to day life should matter and the obstacles to get to the " truth" which would ony help our children are more important. Continued reliance upon processes and paid representation cloud it and so it will continue unfortunately. The case is in [identifying information withheld by admin]. Do no harm, [name withheld by admin]]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>[Note: Identifying details in this comment are withheld by the blog administrator to protect the family’s privacy.]<br /> Hello Dr.</p> <p>I am certain that you will find my case very interesting but yet very sad for my children. Divorce was finalized in [date withheld by admin] and it still continues unfortunately for two once promising young children. Now [ages withheld by admin] years of age. I was accused falsely of parental alienation as the GAL informed as I did it unconsciously. My ex reallocated mainly using [a relative with law enforcement connections]. Now 6 months after the fact, he and his girlfriend who has 4 children of her own plus my two live in a rental of 1135 sq. feet and have used his own children to tape record me with promises of never having to see mommy again. [location withheld by admin.] I would suggest that gender is playing a role as I asked the GAL exactly how many cases of PAS were cases by males as opposed to females being accused. He had no answer. My guess is that it rarely happens or in [location withheld by admin], it’s the first. As no one seems to know what to do next for my children. I understand that the wheels of justice move slowly but more disturbingly is the reality that the domestic relations court system lacks the humanistic, empathy and compassion necessary to do a thorough job. We expect these characteristcs from other professionals is it too costly to mandate humanism in our DR courts? is it too costly to educate our family law practictioners? I would think not afterall what price would you pay for saving one child from the ugliness of the lack of adaptability of the current system in place? Perhaps we should look at healthcare industry. We demand from our health providers nothing less especially when it comes to our children. Why should DR courts be different? What happens in the trenches of day to day life should matter and the obstacles to get to the ” truth” which would ony help our children are more important. Continued reliance upon processes and paid representation cloud it and so it will continue unfortunately. The case is in [identifying information withheld by admin]. </p> <p>Do no harm,<br /> [name withheld by admin]</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on State of Plutoverse – 2012 by [name withheld by administrator] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2013/01/03/state-of-plutoverse-2012/#comment-5788</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by administrator]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 04 Jan 2013 21:34:21 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=779#comment-5788</guid> <description><![CDATA[I have been in court for 5 years now battling an ex in family court. It is now going into Superior Court, over a contempt motion due to access, and also a custody motion. My ex faked cancer and collected over $60,000.00 from friends and church members, by claiming to have cervical cancer. Then in 2007 I decided to go to the Walkerton court house to speak to a duty counsel to "distance myself from her crimes." A week later I was served a bogus restraining order that had myself down as a potential murderer, and that she and the children feared me. This brought CAS into the picture that in regards to their own case notes, chose to cover up her past history, and also her fake cancer scam. As a result, my 4 children have been alienated. It appears that our family justice system is biased, and in contempt of the family and our children. Family Law is "inadequate" and "ill informed" of the most common, yet most neglected abuse....parental alienation by a hostile aggressive parent. I appreciate your information, and the cause you promote! Thanks, [name withheld by administrator]]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I have been in court for 5 years now battling an ex in family court. It is now going into Superior Court, over a contempt motion due to access, and also a custody motion. My ex faked cancer and collected over $60,000.00 from friends and church members, by claiming to have cervical cancer. Then in 2007 I decided to go to the Walkerton court house to speak to a duty counsel to “distance myself from her crimes.” A week later I was served a bogus restraining order that had myself down as a potential murderer, and that she and the children feared me. This brought CAS into the picture that in regards to their own case notes, chose to cover up her past history, and also her fake cancer scam. As a result, my 4 children have been alienated.<br /> It appears that our family justice system is biased, and in contempt of the family and our children. Family Law is “inadequate” and “ill informed” of the most common, yet most neglected abuse….parental alienation by a hostile aggressive parent.<br /> I appreciate your information, and the cause you promote!<br /> Thanks, [name withheld by administrator]</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on State of Plutoverse – 2012 by Teresa Paskey </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2013/01/03/state-of-plutoverse-2012/#comment-5784</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Teresa Paskey]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 04 Jan 2013 06:19:26 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=779#comment-5784</guid> <description><![CDATA[Thank you Dr. Warshak! Sending my Warmest Regards and Best Wishes for 2013, Teresa Paskey]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Thank you Dr. Warshak!<br /> Sending my Warmest Regards and Best Wishes for 2013,<br /> Teresa Paskey</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on State of Plutoverse – 2011 by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2012/02/18/state-of-plutoverse-2011/#comment-5751</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 19 Mar 2012 12:49:43 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=627#comment-5751</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2012/02/18/state-of-plutoverse-2011/#comment-5739">mike jefffries</a>. Thanks Mike. For those who don't know, Michael Jeffries is the author of a compelling account of the destruction of a parent-child relationship and the legal system's complicity in the process. The book's title: <em>A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation.</em> Jeffries pulls back the curtain on the tragedy of a child whose love turns to contempt as he takes sides in his parents' divorce. You can order the book on my website by <a href="http://www.warshak.com/resources/bookshelf/for-parents.html" rel="nofollow">clicking here</a>. Click the Custody and Divorce tab, and then scroll to the 8th book on the list. The book is an eye-opener for parents and professionals.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2012/02/18/state-of-plutoverse-2011/#comment-5739">mike jefffries</a>.</p> <p>Thanks Mike. For those who don’t know, Michael Jeffries is the author of a compelling account of the destruction of a parent-child relationship and the legal system’s complicity in the process. The book’s title: <em>A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation.</em> Jeffries pulls back the curtain on the tragedy of a child whose love turns to contempt as he takes sides in his parents’ divorce. You can order the book on my website by <a href="http://www.warshak.com/resources/bookshelf/for-parents.html" rel="nofollow">clicking here</a>. Click the Custody and Divorce tab, and then scroll to the 8th book on the list. The book is an eye-opener for parents and professionals.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on State of Plutoverse – 2011 by mike jefffries </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2012/02/18/state-of-plutoverse-2011/#comment-5739</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[mike jefffries]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 21 Feb 2012 12:59:31 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=627#comment-5739</guid> <description><![CDATA[Congratulations on the success of Welcome Back Pluto and the diminished attacks on you and your work. Parental alienation is real and affects countless children, parents and extended members every year. However, I've seen a huge change in the last ten years. What was once an unknown and lttle-understood topic is now a legitimate issue taken seriously by many, but not all, legal and mental health professionals. Thanks to the ongoing work of you, and others, generations of children will avoid the heartbreak of parental alienation. Belated Happy New Year and all the best for 2012 and always. Best, mike jeffries]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Congratulations on the success of Welcome Back Pluto and the diminished attacks on you and your work. Parental alienation is real and affects countless children, parents and extended members every year. However, I’ve seen a huge change in the last ten years. What was once an unknown and lttle-understood topic is now a legitimate issue taken seriously by many, but not all, legal and mental health professionals. Thanks to the ongoing work of you, and others, generations of children will avoid the heartbreak of parental alienation. </p> <p>Belated Happy New Year and all the best for 2012 and always.</p> <p>Best,</p> <p>mike jeffries</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Parenting by the Clock: Is It Time to Replace the Best-Interest-of-the-Child Standard? With What? by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2012/01/22/parenting-by-the-clock-is-it-time-to-replace-the-best-interest-of-the-child-standard-with-what/#comment-5738</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 08 Feb 2012 00:06:54 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=613#comment-5738</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2012/01/22/parenting-by-the-clock-is-it-time-to-replace-the-best-interest-of-the-child-standard-with-what/#comment-5730">M. Annabelle Twilley Richardson</a>. Thank you.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2012/01/22/parenting-by-the-clock-is-it-time-to-replace-the-best-interest-of-the-child-standard-with-what/#comment-5730">M. Annabelle Twilley Richardson</a>.</p> <p>Thank you.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Parenting by the Clock: Is It Time to Replace the Best-Interest-of-the-Child Standard? With What? by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2012/01/22/parenting-by-the-clock-is-it-time-to-replace-the-best-interest-of-the-child-standard-with-what/#comment-5737</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 08 Feb 2012 00:06:21 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=613#comment-5737</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2012/01/22/parenting-by-the-clock-is-it-time-to-replace-the-best-interest-of-the-child-standard-with-what/#comment-5729">Marguerite Vozza</a>. I hope you understand that it is the American Law Institute, not I, who proposes the approximation rule. Here is an excerpt from my blog: "After studying the approximation rule in great detail I concluded that it is unlikely to accomplish its goals and unlikely to represent an improvement over the status quo." My law review article gives many reasons for my opposition to the approximation rule. The scenario you described illustrates one of these. Thanks for your comment.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2012/01/22/parenting-by-the-clock-is-it-time-to-replace-the-best-interest-of-the-child-standard-with-what/#comment-5729">Marguerite Vozza</a>.</p> <p>I hope you understand that it is the American Law Institute, not I, who proposes the approximation rule. Here is an excerpt from my blog: “After studying the approximation rule in great detail I concluded that it is unlikely to accomplish its goals and unlikely to represent an improvement over the status quo.” My law review article gives many reasons for my opposition to the approximation rule. The scenario you described illustrates one of these. Thanks for your comment.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Parenting by the Clock: Is It Time to Replace the Best-Interest-of-the-Child Standard? With What? by M. Annabelle Twilley Richardson </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2012/01/22/parenting-by-the-clock-is-it-time-to-replace-the-best-interest-of-the-child-standard-with-what/#comment-5730</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[M. Annabelle Twilley Richardson]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:05:25 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=613#comment-5730</guid> <description><![CDATA[Hopefully, these articles will make it up here on this side of the border. Only way to influence courts is to have all involved professionally with the law, educated and convinced by their colleagues. It would appear, Dr. Warshak, that you are a recognized credible bridge between The Law, and the so-called "Helping Professionals", and thus can influence legal minds . Thank you for the incredibly diligent work on these important matters.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hopefully, these articles will make it up here on this side of the border. Only way to influence courts is to have all involved professionally with the law, educated and convinced by their colleagues. It would appear, Dr. Warshak, that you are a recognized credible bridge between The Law, and the so-called “Helping Professionals”, and thus can influence legal minds . Thank you for the incredibly diligent work on these important matters.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Parenting by the Clock: Is It Time to Replace the Best-Interest-of-the-Child Standard? With What? by Marguerite Vozza </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2012/01/22/parenting-by-the-clock-is-it-time-to-replace-the-best-interest-of-the-child-standard-with-what/#comment-5729</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Marguerite Vozza]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:17:42 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=613#comment-5729</guid> <description><![CDATA[How would the rule "dividing the child's time with each parent according to the proportion of time each parent participated in caretaking prior to the separation" decide a case where the child was given to the mother at 3 wks. old "temporarily" and the mother never returned the child to the homestate and made it impossible for the father to see the child for 4yrs. They are going thru a custody trial now, so basically you're saying the child should go with the mother because she was the caretaker for most of his life even though she was in contempt of court and made it impossible for the father to see the child. NO SIR, it definitely would not be in the "best interest of the child" to award the mother, who was in contempt of court for living out of state for 4 yrs. and never fostered a good relationship with the father who was willing and able to be in his sons life!!!! I definitely would not be in favor of such a rule.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>How would the rule “dividing the child’s time with each parent according to the proportion of time each parent participated in caretaking prior to the separation” decide a case where the child was given to the mother at 3 wks. old “temporarily” and the mother never returned the child to the homestate and made it impossible for the father to see the child for 4yrs. They are going thru a custody trial now, so basically you’re saying the child should go with the mother because she was the caretaker for most of his life even though she was in contempt of court and made it impossible for the father to see the child. NO SIR, it definitely would not be in the “best interest of the child” to award the mother, who was in contempt of court for living out of state for 4 yrs. and never fostered a good relationship with the father who was willing and able to be in his sons life!!!! I definitely would not be in favor of such a rule.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Six Tips to Give Children Better Holidays by David Horne </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/12/11/six-tips-to-give-children-better-holidays-2/#comment-5721</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[David Horne]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 19 Dec 2011 16:23:29 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=608#comment-5721</guid> <description><![CDATA[These are great ideas; but they presume that there is a modicum of communication and good will between parents. The opposite, unfortunately, if often the case. This year, for the first time since the separation, I will spend my Christmas holidays without seeing my children; their mother is taking them to the Caribbean. I will attempt to stay in touch before and after their absence by whatever means possible. any suggestions would be appreciated]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>These are great ideas; but they presume that there is a modicum of communication and good will between parents. The opposite, unfortunately, if often the case.<br /> This year, for the first time since the separation, I will spend my Christmas holidays without seeing my children; their mother is taking them to the Caribbean. </p> <p>I will attempt to stay in touch before and after their absence by whatever means possible.<br /> any suggestions would be appreciated</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Steve Jobs by NAPLES, FLORIDA </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/10/06/steve-jobs/#comment-5074</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[NAPLES, FLORIDA]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 22 Oct 2011 16:48:05 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=570#comment-5074</guid> <description><![CDATA[A support group for alienated parents and grandparents has formed in Naples, FL. Meetings are held at St. John the Evangelist Church, 625 111th Ave. N., Naples, FL 34108, first Thursdays at 1:00 p.m., and third Thursdays at 7:00 p.m. Each week, an expert in PAS will speak, followed by a group discussion, sharing and support. Members will learn coping skills, strategies to combat alienation, and hear success stories. For more information, go to www.aga-fl.com The group is designated Alienated Grandparents Anonymous, however, many of us are alienated parents. With support, the trauma is minimized.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>A support group for alienated parents and grandparents has formed in Naples, FL. Meetings are held at St. John the Evangelist Church, 625 111th Ave. N., Naples, FL 34108, first Thursdays at 1:00 p.m., and third Thursdays at 7:00 p.m. Each week, an expert in PAS will speak, followed by a group discussion, sharing and support. Members will learn coping skills, strategies to combat alienation, and hear success stories. For more information, go to <a href="http://www.aga-fl.com" rel="nofollow ugc">http://www.aga-fl.com</a> The group is designated Alienated Grandparents Anonymous, however, many of us are alienated parents. </p> <p>With support, the trauma is minimized.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Steve Jobs by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/10/06/steve-jobs/#comment-4856</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 10 Oct 2011 23:03:56 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=570#comment-4856</guid> <description><![CDATA[``For Jobs's Biological Father, the Reunion Never Came'' http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203499704576620911395191694.html and other articles one can google He apparently had little choice or say in putting baby Steve up for adoption.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>“For Jobs’s Biological Father, the Reunion Never Came”<br /> <a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203499704576620911395191694.html" rel="nofollow ugc">http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203499704576620911395191694.html</a><br /> and other articles one can google</p> <p>He apparently had little choice or say in putting baby Steve up for adoption.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Alienated Children As Cat’s Paws by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-4653</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 07 Oct 2011 13:09:02 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=518#comment-4653</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-4574">Anonymous</a>. I am sorry for the sad situation with your grandchildren. If you have a mailing address for them, and especially if they are living away from home, you might consider sending each a copy of the DVD, <a href="http://www.plutodvd.com" rel="nofollow">Welcome Back, Pluto</a>. Recently I heard from a college professor who told me that she shows this DVD to all her classes. She said about 70% of the college students from divorced families come up to her and say that they had an "awakening" from the film and many subsequently reach out to the parent they had been rejecting. Although at first I thought the DVD was too "young" for college students, after hearing from this professor and another professor with a similar experience, I now recommend that a grandparent in your situation think of sending the DVD to the adult grandchildren.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-4574">Anonymous</a>.</p> <p>I am sorry for the sad situation with your grandchildren. If you have a mailing address for them, and especially if they are living away from home, you might consider sending each a copy of the DVD, <a href="http://www.plutodvd.com" rel="nofollow">Welcome Back, Pluto</a>. Recently I heard from a college professor who told me that she shows this DVD to all her classes. She said about 70% of the college students from divorced families come up to her and say that they had an “awakening” from the film and many subsequently reach out to the parent they had been rejecting. Although at first I thought the DVD was too “young” for college students, after hearing from this professor and another professor with a similar experience, I now recommend that a grandparent in your situation think of sending the DVD to the adult grandchildren.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Alienated Children As Cat’s Paws by Anonymous </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-4574</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Anonymous]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 02 Oct 2011 17:20:50 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=518#comment-4574</guid> <description><![CDATA[I am 89 years old and my daughter and her husband manipulated my grandchildren, now over 21 years of age, to totally ignore my existance. This is in retalliation for rescuing my other daughter and 3 young grandchildren from not having a roof over their heads and food in their mouths. I did the right thing and don't deserve losing 3 grandchildren because of the whims of their perverted parents. What can I do to Tell them the truth and hear what actually happened? They have severed all communication, blocking emails and phone.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I am 89 years old and my daughter and her husband manipulated my grandchildren, now over 21 years of age, to totally ignore my existance. This is in retalliation for rescuing my other daughter and 3 young grandchildren from not having a roof over their heads and food in their mouths. I did the right thing and don’t deserve losing 3 grandchildren because of the whims of their perverted parents. What can I do to Tell them the truth and hear what actually happened? They have severed all communication, blocking emails and phone.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by RedKevin47 </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-4552</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[RedKevin47]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 02 Oct 2011 03:55:54 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-4552</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3441">Dr. Dad</a>. Good advice, Dr. Dad. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I wonder if a friend of yours can convey to your daughter that you care and that you will always love her.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3441">Dr. Dad</a>.</p> <p>Good advice, Dr. Dad. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I wonder if a friend of yours can convey to your daughter that you care and that you will always love her.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on College Helps Renew Parent-Child Ties by dieta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/09/05/college-helps-renew-parent-child-ties/#comment-4297</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[dieta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 19 Sep 2011 05:12:14 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=549#comment-4297</guid> <description><![CDATA[What is the leading case concerning college cost contributions by non-custodial parents? In a perfect world both parents should be thrilled to pay for the costs of college for their children. The parents should be elated that their child has not turned into a juvenile delinquent.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>What is the leading case concerning college cost contributions by non-custodial parents? In a perfect world both parents should be thrilled to pay for the costs of college for their children. The parents should be elated that their child has not turned into a juvenile delinquent.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on College Helps Renew Parent-Child Ties by Jessica Maffei </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/09/05/college-helps-renew-parent-child-ties/#comment-4274</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Jessica Maffei]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 18 Sep 2011 00:57:20 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=549#comment-4274</guid> <description><![CDATA[I especially like your last paragraph – and I did start a blog – two in fact – just a few months ago! I always write letters to my children at Christmas – sometimes more often, but at least once a year. They know their letters will be in their stockings! Probably wouldn’t do anything you said not to – just a little bit inhibited! But that’s just me. Congratulations on being freshly pressed!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I especially like your last paragraph – and I did start a blog – two in fact – just a few months ago! I always write letters to my children at Christmas – sometimes more often, but at least once a year. They know their letters will be in their stockings! Probably wouldn’t do anything you said not to – just a little bit inhibited! But that’s just me. Congratulations on being freshly pressed!</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on College Helps Renew Parent-Child Ties by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/09/05/college-helps-renew-parent-child-ties/#comment-4238</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 15 Sep 2011 23:48:58 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=549#comment-4238</guid> <description><![CDATA[Vis à vis a Huffpost reply, I'm reminded and struck again with how frequently a claim that the alienated or target parent has ``abandoned'' the affected child is made, when there are protective or restraining orders, or a custody order severely restricting or forbidding contact in place or threatened, which moreover everyone knows. Sometimes it's alleged the alienated parent was unfit to care for or even had abused the child, and so was perforce legally enjoined from seeing the child, _and_ also chose not to be in significant contact. In one instance I'm familiar with, a therapist, who had counseled the child along `abandonment' lines, was questioned about the apparent contradiction and would not acknowledge it, but would only proclaim that that the parent both had to be court ordered out of the child's life, and freely abandoned the child, ``is the narrative.'' It's hard to know, for purposes of informing a reunification attempt, what the child thinks in such cases: whether they believe the parent presented a real danger to them in terms of neglect or abuse, or that the parent simply had no interest in them, or somehow accepts the paradox that in both respects the parent was and is just `bad.' It's commonplace and evidently an established or `best' practice among therapists to recommend slow or incremental reconnection when child-parent contact has been interrupted---even for as short an interval as one month---usually because a parent withheld the other's parenting time, when probably the exact opposite---rapid restoration---is actually in order. It appears to be more to accommodate the parent who caused the interruption, than it's because of a sincere and well founded sense that the child would find adjusting problematic were the restoration more abrupt.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Vis à vis a Huffpost reply, I’m reminded and struck again with how frequently a claim that the alienated or target parent has “abandoned” the affected child is made, when there are protective or restraining orders, or a custody order severely restricting or forbidding contact in place or threatened, which moreover everyone knows. Sometimes it’s alleged the alienated parent was unfit to care for or even had abused the child, and so was perforce legally enjoined from seeing the child, _and_ also chose not to be in significant contact. In one instance I’m familiar with, a therapist, who had counseled the child along `abandonment’ lines, was questioned about the apparent contradiction and would not acknowledge it, but would only proclaim that that the parent both had to be court ordered out of the child’s life, and freely abandoned the child, “is the narrative.”</p> <p>It’s hard to know, for purposes of informing a reunification attempt, what the child thinks in such cases: whether they believe the parent presented a real danger to them in terms of neglect or abuse, or that the parent simply had no interest in them, or somehow accepts the paradox that in both respects the parent was and is just `bad.’</p> <p>It’s commonplace and evidently an established or `best’ practice among therapists to recommend slow or incremental reconnection when child-parent contact has been interrupted—even for as short an interval as one month—usually because a parent withheld the other’s parenting time, when probably the exact opposite—rapid restoration—is actually in order. It appears to be more to accommodate the parent who caused the interruption, than it’s because of a sincere and well founded sense that the child would find adjusting problematic were the restoration more abrupt.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by Irene </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-4074</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Irene]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 01 Sep 2011 19:08:43 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-4074</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-4048">amother</a>. Another place where this dynamic is addressed is Dr Joshua Coleman's book <i>When Parents Hurt</i> and his website <a href="www.drjoshuacoleman.com" title="" rel="nofollow"> www.drjoshuacoleman.com</a>, where there is an entire forum for parents who have been rejected by an adult child.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-4048">amother</a>.</p> <p>Another place where this dynamic is addressed is Dr Joshua Coleman’s book <i>When Parents Hurt</i> and his website <a href="www.drjoshuacoleman.com" title="" rel="nofollow"> </a><a href="http://www.drjoshuacoleman.com" rel="nofollow ugc">http://www.drjoshuacoleman.com</a>, where there is an entire forum for parents who have been rejected by an adult child.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-4071</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 01 Sep 2011 16:49:54 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-4071</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-4048">amother</a>. Take a look at the PAX category on this blog and the Divorce Poison Control Center and the Resources section on my web site.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-4048">amother</a>.</p> <p>Take a look at the PAX category on this blog and the Divorce Poison Control Center and the Resources section on my web site.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by Irene </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-4052</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Irene]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 30 Aug 2011 17:31:47 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-4052</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-4037">Matt Johnson</a>. Matt, having a decent relationship with your ex and already knowing about PAS even though you are not affected by it puts you in such a good position compared to the rest of us. I would recommend that at the first sign that your daughter is being pressured to take sides, that you (1) make sure your ex learns how damaging PAS is to children, and (2) provide your daughter with tools to help her stay out of the middle. One such is Dr Warshak's DVD "Welcome Back, Pluto", and another is Dr Amy Baker's book "I Don't Want to Choose". Good luck! It is encouraging to see that people are beginning to hear about PAS before it happens to them rather than after. Preventing it is so much easier than reversing it.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-4037">Matt Johnson</a>.</p> <p>Matt, having a decent relationship with your ex and already knowing about PAS even though you are not affected by it puts you in such a good position compared to the rest of us. I would recommend that at the first sign that your daughter is being pressured to take sides, that you (1) make sure your ex learns how damaging PAS is to children, and (2) provide your daughter with tools to help her stay out of the middle. One such is Dr Warshak’s DVD “Welcome Back, Pluto”, and another is Dr Amy Baker’s book “I Don’t Want to Choose”.</p> <p>Good luck! It is encouraging to see that people are beginning to hear about PAS before it happens to them rather than after. Preventing it is so much easier than reversing it.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by amother </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-4048</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[amother]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 30 Aug 2011 07:54:08 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-4048</guid> <description><![CDATA[I am writing this long after Mothers Day, but with no less feeling. My son is 38 years-old and married. I have one grandchild and one to be born, shortly. It has been the heartache of my life that my son has rejected me. I had sole custody of my son, who was 6 when I divorced his abusive father, which did not stop his father for suing me for custody, of and on, for 10 years, claiming I was an unfit parent. After an actual custody hearing, and no substantial changes, I finally let my 14 year-old son go and live with his father (no change in custody). I did everything out of love for my son, and I did everything I could think of or that was in my power to do to help him cope and keep his head on straight, during the divorce and post-divorce. He slowly but surely demonstrated that he had no regard for me as his mother, cut me out of his life and recently told me that he had intentionally done so. I was stunned. I have always had to deal with his need for enormous distance from me, which was already a heartache. Now, I am dealing with the reality of his almost total rejection -- except for occasional contact with my grandson -- trying to put distance between myself and my son, while remaining open. I spent years and years trying to cope with his rejection while hoping things would improve, doing what I could, trying different ways of dealing with my son, anything to make it better, always remaining open to the possibility -- and hoping -- that things might improve. Things only got worse and worse, until he recently told me that years ago, he cut me out of his life. I believe that (I allowed) this heartache to actually and ultimately make me sick -- and I am now recovering, physically and spiritually, putting distance between myself and the situation as best I can. I would be interested in finding other places where this dynamic is addressed -- a website about parents whose children who reject them. I have recently been told that it is not as uncommon as I thought.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I am writing this long after Mothers Day, but with no less feeling. My son is 38 years-old and married. I have one grandchild and one to be born, shortly. It has been the heartache of my life that my son has rejected me. I had sole custody of my son, who was 6 when I divorced his abusive father, which did not stop his father for suing me for custody, of and on, for 10 years, claiming I was an unfit parent. After an actual custody hearing, and no substantial changes, I finally let my 14 year-old son go and live with his father (no change in custody). I did everything out of love for my son, and I did everything I could think of or that was in my power to do to help him cope and keep his head on straight, during the divorce and post-divorce. He slowly but surely demonstrated that he had no regard for me as his mother, cut me out of his life and recently told me that he had intentionally done so. I was stunned. I have always had to deal with his need for enormous distance from me, which was already a heartache. Now, I am dealing with the reality of his almost total rejection — except for occasional contact with my grandson — trying to put distance between myself and my son, while remaining open. I spent years and years trying to cope with his rejection while hoping things would improve, doing what I could, trying different ways of dealing with my son, anything to make it better, always remaining open to the possibility — and hoping — that things might improve. Things only got worse and worse, until he recently told me that years ago, he cut me out of his life. I believe that (I allowed) this heartache to actually and ultimately make me sick — and I am now recovering, physically and spiritually, putting distance between myself and the situation as best I can.<br /> I would be interested in finding other places where this dynamic is addressed — a website about parents whose children who reject them. I have recently been told that it is not as uncommon as I thought.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on When Kids Need to Know Bad Things About a Parent – Part 2 by [name withheld by admin] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/02/16/when-kids-need-to-know-bad-things-about-a-parent-part-2/#comment-4042</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by admin]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 30 Aug 2011 02:21:27 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=374#comment-4042</guid> <description><![CDATA[Whoever reads this will never know all the details. That, in my mind, is part of the difficulty of the Ontario legal system (Canada) to know how to approach a claim of Parental Alienation. I guess from my readings this happens mostly to men... Children who are alienated by the mothers. But here's a story of a mother. My Emma has been gone for 19 months... and I've often said, life will never present any bigger challenge than having had to live those 19 months almost exclusively without her in them... So, my reply to this discussion is: I've been through so many layers and periods and forms of frustration and disbelief, it's like the Eskimos and their words for snow... I have lived through hundreds of different levels of helplessness and frustration. I am known/ have prided myself my entire life on being very (very) resourceful, but have fallen flat on my face hundreds of time, each time I've tried to go at this from a different perspective. What is the 'THIS' in question... to try to get Emma to hear me, to spend time with me. To be with me, even for short periods. SO, have I? Should I ever have bad-mouthed their cruel-spirited inhumane father (to whom I have pleaded with every ounce of emotion I could muster dozens of times, asking him to do something to help my daughter return towards me and my family). It's been going on for 19-months. 4 or 5 or 6 months go by, and I try again. I try to listen to counsellors, my mother, psychologists, psychiatrists, articles, lawyers (listening to them last, as it should be...), etc. and try a slightly different approach, and am able to maintain it for months often,... seeing the teeniest glimmer of hope. Then, he somehow senses that I may be getting hopeful, sees that Emma is saying my name again, and he says something or has an argument with me (by email, I swear) but then somehow the girls (BOTH) learn about his plight, that I am opposing him somehow again, and Emma slides back into the fortress of his home, usually not to be seen or heard from for a minimum each time of 3.5 months (on average). SO, I live in torture. But I will endure Torture (I guess) for the rest of my life... I won't let her go. I need to psychologically, but I will not let go of her in my heart. I can't. I just can't. She was a huge (humoungous) part of my heart... and she doesn't understand what she's doing. SO Have I ever bad-mouthed him in front of the girls? A few times, but more exactly... I just don't know how to protect my youngest girl, who is only a year younger than the one that's gone. She adores me now, but so did Emma... at some point before she left. I have death with my depressions and anger, and they never disappear, I deal with them well, and now and then lose the tight hold I have on my brittle balance (of my brain and of my heart). I am not sick, I am only a mother who has been killed inside, and continuously laughed at hideously by this man, when he knows I am dying from not having her in my life. He enjoys that. BUT when Abby turned to me last week, and he picked arguments with me and transferred them to her older sister, and then I got shut-out again after almost 3 whole months of actually receiving text messages from Emma... I took a nose-dive, and he laughed and laughed at me... and at my despair, seems to make him stronger... And just a few (I try to avoid, really I do) times I called him a cruel man towards her Mommy. I didn't push it further, didn't ramble on... just a few times, a short and very direct comment. I don't want to hurt Abby at all. I know I must not do that. BUT, if you'd lived in my shoes, and losing the eldest daughter whom you were sooooo hugely proud of and fond of, and adored... and have not had more time in her life than her neighbours or his friends, or his wife's friends have -- you would need to admit that few of you would be stronger. I have been whittled done for more than 1.5 years now. PLEASE PLEASE believe the saying of "Never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes." You do not know me, but trust me... I was just a normal mother (no super-hero), but an entirely devoted one, at the very least... I break, I melt, I want to disappear and not think about the fact that my life has become the worse nightmare I could ever have imagined... and after I break, I re-gather and re-build. This is my life now, unless I let go of Emma. I promised her when she was a young girl, that if ever anything bad happened to her, I would NEVER EVER EVER in a million years let go, and never give up on her. I told her I would move mountains for her, a month before she left (not knowing what exactly was being concocted). The mountains, as we all know, are nearly-impossible to move. But I have to prove to Emma, someday, that I never stopped pushing against that mountain. He has killed me in her eyes, in her memories, and now, as the months march on, in her heart... I'm vanishing. Regards, Joanne C.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Whoever reads this will never know all the details. That, in my mind, is part of the difficulty of the Ontario legal system (Canada) to know how to approach a claim of Parental Alienation. I guess from my readings this happens mostly to men… Children who are alienated by the mothers. But here’s a story of a mother.</p> <p>My Emma has been gone for 19 months… and I’ve often said, life will never present any bigger challenge than having had to live those 19 months almost exclusively without her in them…</p> <p>So, my reply to this discussion is: I’ve been through so many layers and periods and forms of frustration and disbelief, it’s like the Eskimos and their words for snow… I have lived through hundreds of different levels of helplessness and frustration.</p> <p>I am known/ have prided myself my entire life on being very (very) resourceful, but have fallen flat on my face hundreds of time, each time I’ve tried to go at this from a different perspective. What is the ‘THIS’ in question… to try to get Emma to hear me, to spend time with me. To be with me, even for short periods.</p> <p>SO, have I? Should I ever have bad-mouthed their cruel-spirited inhumane father (to whom I have pleaded with every ounce of emotion I could muster dozens of times, asking him to do something to help my daughter return towards me and my family). It’s been going on for 19-months. 4 or 5 or 6 months go by, and I try again. I try to listen to counsellors, my mother, psychologists, psychiatrists, articles, lawyers (listening to them last, as it should be…), etc. and try a slightly different approach, and am able to maintain it for months often,… seeing the teeniest glimmer of hope.</p> <p>Then, he somehow senses that I may be getting hopeful, sees that Emma is saying my name again, and he says something or has an argument with me (by email, I swear) but then somehow the girls (BOTH) learn about his plight, that I am opposing him somehow again, and Emma slides back into the fortress of his home, usually not to be seen or heard from for a minimum each time of 3.5 months (on average).</p> <p>SO, I live in torture. But I will endure Torture (I guess) for the rest of my life… I won’t let her go. I need to psychologically, but I will not let go of her in my heart. I can’t. I just can’t. She was a huge (humoungous) part of my heart… and she doesn’t understand what she’s doing.</p> <p>SO Have I ever bad-mouthed him in front of the girls? A few times, but more exactly… I just don’t know how to protect my youngest girl, who is only a year younger than the one that’s gone. She adores me now, but so did Emma… at some point before she left.</p> <p>I have death with my depressions and anger, and they never disappear, I deal with them well, and now and then lose the tight hold I have on my brittle balance (of my brain and of my heart).</p> <p>I am not sick, I am only a mother who has been killed inside, and continuously laughed at hideously by this man, when he knows I am dying from not having her in my life. He enjoys that.</p> <p>BUT when Abby turned to me last week, and he picked arguments with me and transferred them to her older sister, and then I got shut-out again after almost 3 whole months of actually receiving text messages from Emma… I took a nose-dive, and he laughed and laughed at me… and at my despair, seems to make him stronger…<br /> And just a few (I try to avoid, really I do) times I called him a cruel man towards her Mommy. I didn’t push it further, didn’t ramble on… just a few times, a short and very direct comment.</p> <p>I don’t want to hurt Abby at all. I know I must not do that.</p> <p>BUT, if you’d lived in my shoes, and losing the eldest daughter whom you were sooooo hugely proud of and fond of, and adored… and have not had more time in her life than her neighbours or his friends, or his wife’s friends have — you would need to admit that few of you would be stronger. I have been whittled done for more than 1.5 years now.</p> <p>PLEASE PLEASE believe the saying of “Never judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.” You do not know me, but trust me… I was just a normal mother (no super-hero), but an entirely devoted one, at the very least…<br /> I break, I melt, I want to disappear and not think about the fact that my life has become the worse nightmare I could ever have imagined… and after I break, I re-gather and re-build. This is my life now, unless I let go of Emma.</p> <p>I promised her when she was a young girl, that if ever anything bad happened to her, I would NEVER EVER EVER in a million years let go, and never give up on her. I told her I would move mountains for her, a month before she left (not knowing what exactly was being concocted).</p> <p>The mountains, as we all know, are nearly-impossible to move.</p> <p>But I have to prove to Emma, someday, that I never stopped pushing against that mountain.</p> <p>He has killed me in her eyes, in her memories, and now, as the months march on, in her heart… I’m vanishing.</p> <p>Regards,</p> <p>Joanne C.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by Matt Johnson </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-4037</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Matt Johnson]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 29 Aug 2011 18:14:44 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-4037</guid> <description><![CDATA[I am a ncp father and have a good realtionship with my daughter, and a decent one with my ex. I'm also newly divorced so it's alot of up's and down's. I feel for the alienated parents on here, and am grateful I am not in that situation, but also will continue to make sure that stuff does not happen to me. Also I understand Dr. Warshak is a part of a Bar Association group to help change family law that I read on huffpost. I would love to be kept up to date with that.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I am a ncp father and have a good realtionship with my daughter, and a decent one with my ex. I’m also newly divorced so it’s alot of up’s and down’s. I feel for the alienated parents on here, and am grateful I am not in that situation, but also will continue to make sure that stuff does not happen to me. Also I understand Dr. Warshak is a part of a Bar Association group to help change family law that I read on huffpost. I would love to be kept up to date with that.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Divorce Court: Mopping Up the Mess by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/08/16/divorce-court-mopping-up-the-mess/#comment-3981</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 24 Aug 2011 22:44:51 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=537#comment-3981</guid> <description><![CDATA[Many family courts already require litigants with minor children to take what is variously called a divorce education course or a coparenting workshop at the very beginning of the court process, and in some locales have for some time. Mediation is usually the first step, which must be attempted and which must fail before any adversarial proceeding is scheduled. The problem with this approach is that one never escapes the shadow of the law: it probably helps parents who are inclined toward coparenting and have problems, say, communicating, but if a parent resolved on disenfranchising the other parent knows they stand to prevail at trial, they simply ignore the therapeutic advice and education, and stonewall in any mediation they are mandated or coaxed into.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Many family courts already require litigants with minor children to take what is variously called a divorce education course or a coparenting workshop at the very beginning of the court process, and in some locales have for some time. Mediation is usually the first step, which must be attempted and which must fail before any adversarial proceeding is scheduled.</p> <p>The problem with this approach is that one never escapes the shadow of the law: it probably helps parents who are inclined toward coparenting and have problems, say, communicating, but if a parent resolved on disenfranchising the other parent knows they stand to prevail at trial, they simply ignore the therapeutic advice and education, and stonewall in any mediation they are mandated or coaxed into.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Divorce Court: Mopping Up the Mess by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/08/16/divorce-court-mopping-up-the-mess/#comment-3884</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 16 Aug 2011 22:44:40 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=537#comment-3884</guid> <description><![CDATA[I hope the public will be kept well informed of the project's progress, and afforded opportunities to provide input and contribute. What I'm hearing here is not that encouraging: I'm convinced that fundamental substantive change---in particular in the way intra-parental conflict is regarded, a point in which the therapeutic community is heavily involved---and fundamental legal procedure---when and how the state can intervene, as opposed to adjudicate opposing parenting plans---is absolutely necessary to make a difference, especially for the cases which under the current system are highly problematic. Approaches, such as the fairly recent Elkins Family Law Task Force in California, emphasizing or limiting themselves to enhancing `services' such as ``fast-tracking intervention,'' and technical aspects of procedure, have uniformly yielded disappointing, essentially piddling results. That the doctrine is that intra-parental conflict obviates joint custody, is why the misbehaving parent is rewarded, and why family court orders---which are modifiable---are not enforced.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I hope the public will be kept well informed of the project’s progress, and afforded opportunities to provide input and contribute.</p> <p>What I’m hearing here is not that encouraging: I’m convinced that fundamental substantive change—in particular in the way intra-parental conflict is regarded, a point in which the therapeutic community is heavily involved—and fundamental legal procedure—when and how the state can intervene, as opposed to adjudicate opposing parenting plans—is absolutely necessary to make a difference, especially for the cases which under the current system are highly problematic.</p> <p>Approaches, such as the fairly recent Elkins Family Law Task Force in California, emphasizing or limiting themselves to enhancing `services’ such as “fast-tracking intervention,” and technical aspects of procedure, have uniformly yielded disappointing, essentially piddling results.</p> <p>That the doctrine is that intra-parental conflict obviates joint custody, is why the misbehaving parent is rewarded, and why family court orders—which are modifiable—are not enforced.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on PAX by Anonymous </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/03/23/pax/#comment-3839</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Anonymous]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 10 Aug 2011 03:29:39 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=435#comment-3839</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/03/23/pax/#comment-2449">passyndrome</a>. I am an alienated mom of a 17yr old daughter and a 15 year old son. I completely feel everyone's pain! I live in the Dallas area also and would love to find a support group. Anyone know of any? I would greatly appreciate!!!!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/03/23/pax/#comment-2449">passyndrome</a>.</p> <p>I am an alienated mom of a 17yr old daughter and a 15 year old son. I completely feel everyone’s pain! I live in the Dallas area also and would love to find a support group. Anyone know of any? I would greatly appreciate!!!!</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Parents Helping Parents: Tips from Victims of Divorce Poison by Janta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3832</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Janta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 09 Aug 2011 03:22:16 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=236#comment-3832</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3812">EC</a>. The fourth episode just screened here last night, and I think it's all a bit too fast and too easy. The treatment of alienation seems very superficial, after a promising start. Last night, the daughter decided that she would do her "take your child to work day" at her mother's work, because her mum cuts up dead bodies, and that is much cooler than her father's admin job. At the end of the hour, she was positively gushing about how amazing her mother was. That's nice. But it also shows nothing about how alienation works and how it is overcome. Although, to be fair, I think one of the important points was that the daughter saw not only that her mother's career is really valuable, but also that her colleagues hold her in high regard. Well, I guess I will see how this storyline is developed further.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3812">EC</a>.</p> <p>The fourth episode just screened here last night, and I think it’s all a bit too fast and too easy. The treatment of alienation seems very superficial, after a promising start. Last night, the daughter decided that she would do her “take your child to work day” at her mother’s work, because her mum cuts up dead bodies, and that is much cooler than her father’s admin job. At the end of the hour, she was positively gushing about how amazing her mother was. That’s nice. But it also shows nothing about how alienation works and how it is overcome. Although, to be fair, I think one of the important points was that the daughter saw not only that her mother’s career is really valuable, but also that her colleagues hold her in high regard. Well, I guess I will see how this storyline is developed further.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Parents Helping Parents: Tips from Victims of Divorce Poison by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3812</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 05 Aug 2011 21:23:11 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=236#comment-3812</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3773">Janta</a>. I hope it s not presenting what may be ultimately a pro-alienation point of view. Mother's careers are a hotly contested aspect of moveaway cases, with many women's advocates claiming the courts are giving insufficient weight to the factor when they discourage or forbid a mother to relocate with the child when it would advance her career and financial situation, because it would alienate the child from the the father due to the reduced amount of contact, regardless of whether or not there's been overt badmouthing. Sometimes such a dispute will engender a badmouthing campaign, in that the parent wanting to move will try to disrupt the child's relationship with the other parent in order to argue that it's problematic enough that the child will not lose anything by moving. In the real world I have a hard time imagining a judge criticizing a mother for devoting too much time to her job, unless the child is clearly neglected at a level that would attract the attention of the child protection agency.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3773">Janta</a>.</p> <p>I hope it s not presenting what may be ultimately a pro-alienation point of view.</p> <p>Mother’s careers are a hotly contested aspect of moveaway cases, with many women’s advocates claiming the courts are giving insufficient weight to the factor when they discourage or forbid a mother to relocate with the child when it would advance her career and financial situation, because it would alienate the child from the the father due to the reduced amount of contact, regardless of whether or not there’s been overt badmouthing. Sometimes such a dispute will engender a badmouthing campaign, in that the parent wanting to move will try to disrupt the child’s relationship with the other parent in order to argue that it’s problematic enough that the child will not lose anything by moving.</p> <p>In the real world I have a hard time imagining a judge criticizing a mother for devoting too much time to her job, unless the child is clearly neglected at a level that would attract the attention of the child protection agency.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Parents Helping Parents: Tips from Victims of Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3800</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 05 Aug 2011 04:05:37 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=236#comment-3800</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3773">Janta</a>. Thanks for this tip. I will watch for the series.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3773">Janta</a>.</p> <p>Thanks for this tip. I will watch for the series.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Parents Helping Parents: Tips from Victims of Divorce Poison by Janta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3773</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Janta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 31 Jul 2011 08:01:18 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=236#comment-3773</guid> <description><![CDATA[I am excited about "Body of Proof", the US TV series which has just started screening here (yes, we are a little behind). The protagonist is a rejected mother, her ex blocks her calls and lies to their daughter, and her daughter says she wants her mother to "back off", and that the judge had said she was too busy with her career to care about her. This promises to be an interesting side-plot to the series. I wonder how much awareness it will raise in my country.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I am excited about “Body of Proof”, the US TV series which has just started screening here (yes, we are a little behind). The protagonist is a rejected mother, her ex blocks her calls and lies to their daughter, and her daughter says she wants her mother to “back off”, and that the judge had said she was too busy with her career to care about her. This promises to be an interesting side-plot to the series. I wonder how much awareness it will raise in my country.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate by La EXISTENCIA de ALIENACIÓN PARENTAL es ahora INDISCUTIBLE « Custodia Compartida en Galicia Xa! </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/17/existence-of-parental-alienation-is-now-beyond-debate/#comment-3626</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[La EXISTENCIA de ALIENACIÓN PARENTAL es ahora INDISCUTIBLE « Custodia Compartida en Galicia Xa!]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 10 Jul 2011 02:04:05 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=500#comment-3626</guid> <description><![CDATA[[...] leer en este post la traducción de una exposición publicada en inglés en el blog del psicólogo Dr. Richard Warshak el pasado 17 de mayo (pincha y le.... Después del artÃculo tienes una lista de más de 100 ejemplos de alienación [...]]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>[…] leer en este post la traducción de una exposición publicada en inglés en el blog del psicólogo Dr. Richard Warshak el pasado 17 de mayo (pincha y le…. Después del artÃculo tienes una lista de más de 100 ejemplos de alienación […]</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Divorce Poison Makes LA Times Top 10 Books for Arnold and Maria by teure schreibgeräte </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/18/divorce-poison-makes-la-times-top-10-books-for-arnold-and-maria/#comment-3513</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[teure schreibgeräte]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 03 Jul 2011 11:49:48 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=507#comment-3513</guid> <description><![CDATA[I am from Germany, nevertheless Austria is the neighbour. Due to this fact, I am ashamed a tiny bit how Schwarzenegger had behaved. Right now I've read that there's no marriage contract. The separation and divorce will bring to Maria Shriver a lot of cash. Actually, she's got more than enough of it.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I am from Germany, nevertheless Austria is the neighbour. Due to this fact, I am ashamed a tiny bit how Schwarzenegger had behaved. Right now I’ve read that there’s no marriage contract. The separation and divorce will bring to Maria Shriver a lot of cash. Actually, she’s got more than enough of it.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Stop Divorce Poison by [name withheld by admin] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/08/stop-divorce-poison/#comment-3488</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by admin]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 30 Jun 2011 07:18:17 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=189#comment-3488</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/08/stop-divorce-poison/#comment-68">[name withheld by blog admin]</a>. Hi- I was writing to thank you for referring me to [name withheld by admin]. We have met and have an on-going dialogue with the purpose of re-uniting me with my beloved and estranged daughter..and after reading this posting I had an "aha" moment that was satisfying only in that I felt understood, but not happy to see how horrible the consequences are for these families..my ex hired the most nasty, malicious, vicious atty in LA, to rip apart my personal, financial and legal world,and it has taken me 3 1/2 years to feel somewhat balanced and normal, but I thought it would kill me..he has told my daughter lies, slandered me at her school with parents, teachers and administrative persons and poisons her against me as we speak. He took her to [location withheld by admin[ on the pretext that I was an unfit mother although he traveled 99% of her life and was never a partner or co-parent. She refuses all contact with me and refuses to remember the closeness, joy and friendship we shared for 12 years...although everyone who knows me knows this...it kills me to see him use her and manipulate her for his ego..he is wealthy and charming (dr. jekyl and mr. hyde) and used that against me and to buy her affection-always wanting to be the "popular" dad--no curfew, unsupervised parties, under age drinking, pot,and sex in his house...my atty says I have no rights because she is 18...does some one have to die or get pregnant for me to have some legal or personal rights to my daughter? My goodness, he has alienated her and basically told her she had no mom that loved her and a bogus childhood..I am apalled that I cannot fight him for what I know is right and critical to her development..no one supports the mother with all this about-face to get dad's their rights...the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction! How do I "wait for my daughter to realize" that her "sugar-daddy" used and manipulated her to get revenge against me? It's not magically just going to happen..I can't just sit by and watch this go on..her childhood was blessed and joyful, and I loved her before she was born, and he has systematically destroyed that memory and reality for her..I am disgusted by the legal system that favors men and lets rich men trash their wives and abandons these kids at 18..that is not an adult, by any stretch..what else can I do to reach her? We desperately need to do your course for re-connection, but no atty will help me now that she is 18. Any thoughts to help me? Many thanks, [name withheld by admin]]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/08/stop-divorce-poison/#comment-68">[name withheld by blog admin]</a>.</p> <p>Hi- I was writing to thank you for referring me to [name withheld by admin]. We have met and have an on-going dialogue with the purpose of re-uniting me with my beloved and estranged daughter..and after reading this posting I had an “aha” moment that was satisfying only in that I felt understood, but not happy to see how horrible the consequences are for these families..my ex hired the most nasty, malicious, vicious atty in LA, to rip apart my personal, financial and legal world,and it has taken me 3 1/2 years to feel somewhat balanced and normal, but I thought it would kill me..he has told my daughter lies, slandered me at her school with parents, teachers and administrative persons and poisons her against me as we speak. He took her to [location withheld by admin[ on the pretext that I was an unfit mother although he traveled 99% of her life and was never a partner or co-parent. She refuses all contact with me and refuses to remember the closeness, joy and friendship we shared for 12 years…although everyone who knows me knows this…it kills me to see him use her and manipulate her for his ego..he is wealthy and charming (dr. jekyl and mr. hyde) and used that against me and to buy her affection-always wanting to be the “popular” dad–no curfew, unsupervised parties, under age drinking, pot,and sex in his house…my atty says I have no rights because she is 18…does some one have to die or get pregnant for me to have some legal or personal rights to my daughter? My goodness, he has alienated her and basically told her she had no mom that loved her and a bogus childhood..I am apalled that I cannot fight him for what I know is right and critical to her development..no one supports the mother with all this about-face to get dad’s their rights…the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction! How do I “wait for my daughter to realize” that her “sugar-daddy” used and manipulated her to get revenge against me? It’s not magically just going to happen..I can’t just sit by and watch this go on..her childhood was blessed and joyful, and I loved her before she was born, and he has systematically destroyed that memory and reality for her..I am disgusted by the legal system that favors men and lets rich men trash their wives and abandons these kids at 18..that is not an adult, by any stretch..what else can I do to reach her? We desperately need to do your course for re-connection, but no atty will help me now that she is 18. Any thoughts to help me? Many thanks, [name withheld by admin]</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3477</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 29 Jun 2011 02:32:10 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-3477</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3361">EC</a>. My languge was deliberate: many parents continue to wonder if they had worn a different color tie or something in court, or had their hair done again before meeting with the GAL, it might have made a difference, and see gaining access to their child as an aspect of parenting and a test of their ability at it. At any rate when there's so little effort being put into reforming the system it doesn't wash to say only that one wasn't allowed to be a parent.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3361">EC</a>.</p> <p>My languge was deliberate: many parents continue to wonder if they had worn a different color tie or something in court, or had their hair done again before meeting with the GAL, it might have made a difference, and see gaining access to their child as an aspect of parenting and a test of their ability at it. At any rate when there’s so little effort being put into reforming the system it doesn’t wash to say only that one wasn’t allowed to be a parent.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by Janta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3471</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Janta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 28 Jun 2011 08:32:53 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-3471</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3377">B.L.</a>. BL, take digital photos of anything you mail and save the file with the date you sent the item, whether it was a card or a present. You could even upload those on facebook. One day, you may be able to show that digital record to your daughter, and she may be able to see that you did not forget her, and that the other parent's claims that you never wrote were not true.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3377">B.L.</a>.</p> <p>BL, take digital photos of anything you mail and save the file with the date you sent the item, whether it was a card or a present. You could even upload those on facebook. One day, you may be able to show that digital record to your daughter, and she may be able to see that you did not forget her, and that the other parent’s claims that you never wrote were not true.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3465</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 28 Jun 2011 01:38:28 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-3465</guid> <description><![CDATA[I want to thank everyone who wrote responses to this article. The responses are high quality and I think will be helpful to many parents. I especially appreciate the encouragement given to Jim, who is so discouraged and pessimistic about the future of his relationship with his daughter. Beyond writing the Plutoverse blogposts, I am frustrated that, at the moment, I cannot participate more by giving replies to everyone who is kind enough to leave responses. I am working on several writing projects at once, all with deadlines, and this leaves little time for replies to responses on Plutoverse. I hope to become more active in the dialog when my schedule eases up.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I want to thank everyone who wrote responses to this article. The responses are high quality and I think will be helpful to many parents. I especially appreciate the encouragement given to Jim, who is so discouraged and pessimistic about the future of his relationship with his daughter.</p> <p>Beyond writing the Plutoverse blogposts, I am frustrated that, at the moment, I cannot participate more by giving replies to everyone who is kind enough to leave responses. I am working on several writing projects at once, all with deadlines, and this leaves little time for replies to responses on Plutoverse. I hope to become more active in the dialog when my schedule eases up.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by NN </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3446</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[NN]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 26 Jun 2011 00:35:55 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-3446</guid> <description><![CDATA[Thank you Dr. Warshak for all your work in the field. As an alienated mother of a biological and step-child (2 of the 4 of our children are alienated. The other 2 seem to be psychologically healthy enough to withstand the denigration), I cannot help but feel frustrated, sad, grievous, and yes, angry sometimes at the way my children have treated me and my new husband. I realize it is not them, but rather the poisonous minds of exploitive exes (who are now "best friends" as they bond over how much the kids hate us). Instead of focusing on the negative or directing my anger toward the children, I try to come from a place of peace and love and to proactively find solutions in how to deal with this, what I feel, is the abuse of a child. I never wanted this for my children - ever. I am curious - have you found that many of the alienators suffer from personality disorders? And, Jim, above, don't give up hope. Love your child and please try not to take it personally. They're just kids who happen to bring up a lot in us because they are acting just like the ex - mean-spirited, vindictive, rotten, bratty....this isn't them, it's the brainwashing that's talking. A targeted parent has to stay strong in spite of what is said or done or the ex will just use that as further justification of what a "schmuck" you are. You don't really want that, do you? Please stay in your child's life - she needs a healthy role model.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Thank you Dr. Warshak for all your work in the field. As an alienated mother of a biological and step-child (2 of the 4 of our children are alienated. The other 2 seem to be psychologically healthy enough to withstand the denigration), I cannot help but feel frustrated, sad, grievous, and yes, angry sometimes at the way my children have treated me and my new husband. I realize it is not them, but rather the poisonous minds of exploitive exes (who are now “best friends” as they bond over how much the kids hate us). Instead of focusing on the negative or directing my anger toward the children, I try to come from a place of peace and love and to proactively find solutions in how to deal with this, what I feel, is the abuse of a child. I never wanted this for my children – ever. I am curious – have you found that many of the alienators suffer from personality disorders? And, Jim, above, don’t give up hope. Love your child and please try not to take it personally. They’re just kids who happen to bring up a lot in us because they are acting just like the ex – mean-spirited, vindictive, rotten, bratty….this isn’t them, it’s the brainwashing that’s talking. A targeted parent has to stay strong in spite of what is said or done or the ex will just use that as further justification of what a “schmuck” you are. You don’t really want that, do you? Please stay in your child’s life – she needs a healthy role model.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by Dr. Dad </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3442</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Dad]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:20:02 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-3442</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3361">EC</a>. While I am agree in theory with much of your writing. I think your final sentence needs some word-smithing. "Some parents much acknowledge that, despite their best efforts, they were not allowed to deliver much love and care to the betterment of their child's life.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3361">EC</a>.</p> <p>While I am agree in theory with much of your writing. I think your final sentence needs some word-smithing. “Some parents much acknowledge that, despite their best efforts, they were not allowed to deliver much love and care to the betterment of their child’s life.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by Dr. Dad </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3441</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Dad]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:14:46 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-3441</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3396">Jim</a>. Dear Jim, I was just watching an HGTV show where 5 daughters assisted in a backyard makeover for their father. I was also checking for updates to the PAS debate as I do from time to time. I read your post and was identifying with what you're expressing. It's now almost 10 years since my divorce and custody battle. After less than one year of visitation that followed the original court guidelines and 9 years of modest to non-existent visitation, I often feel as you do. My 15 year old daughter has been manipulated to an extent that few would realize or believe. Like almost all father's I continue to pay child support (despite spending roughly $75,000 on legal proceedings across two states), attempt to make phone calls, and continue to express interest in my daughter's life. At numerous times, I have been tempted to "call it a day" and send a card saying...."if you have interest in knowing your TRUE father, contact me when you're an adult". Still haven't said it or sent it, but it makes me feel good to consider it. For me it's not so much the intermittent contact or the inappropriate behaviors but being trapped in the middle that is bothersome and stressful. I've, once again, filed a motion for visitation and custody. In fact, this time I'm attempting to have sole physical and legal custody returned to me. It won't work, but at least I'll be able to play recorded phone calls where my daughter's mother can be clearly heard telling her what to say and eventually to "hang up" when I can't be made to yell or "rage". I know I'm lucky Jim....I had help from my parents and my new spouse and have essentially wiped out my inheritance for the hope of a pseudo-relationship with my daughter. Please remember that OUR anger is natural.....remember the old days when it was "inappropriate" to treat your father like "sh*t"? Well it still is....but please remember that our anger at them needs to be expressed and explored--just not aimed at our alienated children. Good luck and peace to you Jim. Please email or touch base here if I can help.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3396">Jim</a>.</p> <p>Dear Jim,</p> <p> I was just watching an HGTV show where 5 daughters assisted in a backyard makeover for their father. I was also checking for updates to the PAS debate as I do from time to time. I read your post and was identifying with what you’re expressing. It’s now almost 10 years since my divorce and custody battle. After less than one year of visitation that followed the original court guidelines and 9 years of modest to non-existent visitation, I often feel as you do. My 15 year old daughter has been manipulated to an extent that few would realize or believe. Like almost all father’s I continue to pay child support (despite spending roughly $75,000 on legal proceedings across two states), attempt to make phone calls, and continue to express interest in my daughter’s life. At numerous times, I have been tempted to “call it a day” and send a card saying….”if you have interest in knowing your TRUE father, contact me when you’re an adult”. Still haven’t said it or sent it, but it makes me feel good to consider it.<br /> For me it’s not so much the intermittent contact or the inappropriate behaviors but being trapped in the middle that is bothersome and stressful. I’ve, once again, filed a motion for visitation and custody. In fact, this time I’m attempting to have sole physical and legal custody returned to me. It won’t work, but at least I’ll be able to play recorded phone calls where my daughter’s mother can be clearly heard telling her what to say and eventually to “hang up” when I can’t be made to yell or “rage”.<br /> I know I’m lucky Jim….I had help from my parents and my new spouse and have essentially wiped out my inheritance for the hope of a pseudo-relationship with my daughter. Please remember that OUR anger is natural…..remember the old days when it was “inappropriate” to treat your father like “sh*t”? Well it still is….but please remember that our anger at them needs to be expressed and explored–just not aimed at our alienated children. Good luck and peace to you Jim. Please email or touch base here if I can help.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate by Lee </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/17/existence-of-parental-alienation-is-now-beyond-debate/#comment-3422</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Lee]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 23 Jun 2011 05:19:36 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=500#comment-3422</guid> <description><![CDATA[It is very frustrating to think that "professionals" would even consider putting blame on the targeted parent when the alienating parent is usually the one with primary custody. These parents have so much more time to do brainwashing and reprogramming that I believe it is abusive to say to the alienated parent, "It's somehow your fault". The targeted parent is the one having their relationships destroyed, their pocketbook drained, their lives turned upside-down and to have professionals add more to that is ridiculous. In my ex-daughter-in-law's case she has been in contempt of court over 150 times in the last 10 years and NO ONE DOES ANYTHING to stop her! My son does not have the money to keep taking her to court so she just continues to emotionally and psychologically abuse the kids and ignore the court ordered parenting plan. If judges, G.A.L.'s, psychological "professionals" and attorney's would stop supporting the alienating behavior when it first starts and have some balls to say what needs to be said to the court, the children affected by this abuse would be protected like they deserve to be. It is all about the money though isn't it? I think the professionals involved should be held accountable for their part in abusing these children. It is like watching someone being murdered and standing there saying, "I'm not sure who is doing the killing." I believe these people are as sick as those doing the alienation. I am also tired of hearing, "It is so hard for the courts to decide if alienation is really occurring". Really and why is that? Because most parents who alienate are great liars and the court tends to believe them before believing the targeted parent? Or those involved have preconceived beliefs that the custodial parent is the "best" parent and many who alienate probably have moderate to severe mental disorders? Who is it that is supposed to be protecting the children caught in the crossfire? Heaven forbid that we err on the side of caution and have the audacity to hold alienaters responsible for their actions.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>It is very frustrating to think that “professionals” would even consider putting blame on the targeted parent when the alienating parent is usually the one with primary custody. These parents have so much more time to do brainwashing and reprogramming that I believe it is abusive to say to the alienated parent, “It’s somehow your fault”. The targeted parent is the one having their relationships destroyed, their pocketbook drained, their lives turned upside-down and to have professionals add more to that is ridiculous. In my ex-daughter-in-law’s case she has been in contempt of court over 150 times in the last 10 years and NO ONE DOES ANYTHING to stop her! My son does not have the money to keep taking her to court so she just continues to emotionally and psychologically abuse the kids and ignore the court ordered parenting plan. If judges, G.A.L.’s, psychological “professionals” and attorney’s would stop supporting the alienating behavior when it first starts and have some balls to say what needs to be said to the court, the children affected by this abuse would be protected like they deserve to be. It is all about the money though isn’t it? I think the professionals involved should be held accountable for their part in abusing these children. It is like watching someone being murdered and standing there saying, “I’m not sure who is doing the killing.” I believe these people are as sick as those doing the alienation.</p> <p>I am also tired of hearing, “It is so hard for the courts to decide if alienation is really occurring”. Really and why is that? Because most parents who alienate are great liars and the court tends to believe them before believing the targeted parent? Or those involved have preconceived beliefs that the custodial parent is the “best” parent and many who alienate probably have moderate to severe mental disorders? Who is it that is supposed to be protecting the children caught in the crossfire? Heaven forbid that we err on the side of caution and have the audacity to hold alienaters responsible for their actions.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Alienated Children As Cat’s Paws by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-3417</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 22 Jun 2011 21:57:40 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=518#comment-3417</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-3379">EC</a>. I'm disinclined toward juries in family court, but think parents could be given meaningful legal recourse when a decision is averse and wrong. `Best interest of the child' is nothing more than a `term of art,' as legal people say: it's not a standard, as it's sometimes called, because there's no test defined in family law by which to determine whether the standard has been met or not in a particular order. One cannot usually appeal on grounds that `best interest' has not been served: appeals have to be based on judicial error, and when a judge has discretion under the law they cannot err. Parents should go to court with their own parenting plans, and the court should be required to order the plan that prescribes the more equitable division of parenting time and responsibilities, in the absence of extenuating aspects of a well defined type.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-3379">EC</a>.</p> <p>I’m disinclined toward juries in family court, but think parents could be given meaningful legal recourse when a decision is averse and wrong.</p> <p>`Best interest of the child’ is nothing more than a `term of art,’ as legal people say: it’s not a standard, as it’s sometimes called, because there’s no test defined in family law by which to determine whether the standard has been met or not in a particular order. One cannot usually appeal on grounds that `best interest’ has not been served: appeals have to be based on judicial error, and when a judge has discretion under the law they cannot err.</p> <p>Parents should go to court with their own parenting plans, and the court should be required to order the plan that prescribes the more equitable division of parenting time and responsibilities, in the absence of extenuating aspects of a well defined type.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by Irene </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3416</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Irene]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 22 Jun 2011 20:21:42 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-3416</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3396">Jim</a>. Jim, at sixteen your daughter is still completely dependent on your ex and is unconsciously doing what she must in order to survive in that household. In the next few years she will experience many life changes -- boyfriends, break-ups, leaving home, college/university, jobs, career choices -- any of which could trigger her to re-evaluate her view of her mother and of you. I do understand your bitterness that any reconciliation may come too late for your parents, but if you can hang in there, you actually have a better chance for a happy ending in the next few years than those whose alienated children are younger or much older.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3396">Jim</a>.</p> <p>Jim, at sixteen your daughter is still completely dependent on your ex and is unconsciously doing what she must in order to survive in that household. In the next few years she will experience many life changes — boyfriends, break-ups, leaving home, college/university, jobs, career choices — any of which could trigger her to re-evaluate her view of her mother and of you. I do understand your bitterness that any reconciliation may come too late for your parents, but if you can hang in there, you actually have a better chance for a happy ending in the next few years than those whose alienated children are younger or much older.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by Anonymous </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3414</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Anonymous]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 22 Jun 2011 18:25:22 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-3414</guid> <description><![CDATA[I totally feel for all of these alienated parents. Our situation, as I am sure as everyone believes of their own is unique, This is a story of a father who had custody for 16 of 18 years of a daughter's life because her mother had a psychotic schizoaffective episode when the child was 2. Shortly after the daughter turned 18, her mother took advantage of her daughter who was very vulnerable at the time because she had graduated high school and was so nervous about her future and was on the verge of a planned break up with her boyfriend because they were going to go to different colleges. Also, the father at hand was having a hard time letting go of his little girl who he had protected and loved for 18 years. The daughter and father had an argument. The mother stepped in and encouraged negative and drastic advice to the daughter about her father and the daughter did not talk to the father, step mom (who was with the family the entire 16 years), little brother and sister, the whole entire side of the father's and step mothers family for nearly a year. The birth mother claims to have had postpartum depression for her reason that she lost her daughter in this first place and is lying to everyone. Her mother had her first documented schizoaffective episode when she was 19 (didn't have any kids yet). She claims to counsel women with postpartum depression and tells the world these lies when we know for a fact that she had schizoaffective disorder and bipolar disorder. We have court documented proof of this. This has been a very tough time. The birth mother has postings on public forums that also prove her negative encouragement to her daughter about her father. We have talked to the daughter a few times in the last couple of months, but we all need to sit down face to face and go over the whole situation and then lay it to rest once and for all.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I totally feel for all of these alienated parents. Our situation, as I am sure as everyone believes of their own is unique, This is a story of a father who had custody for 16 of 18 years of a daughter’s life because her mother had a psychotic schizoaffective episode when the child was 2. Shortly after the daughter turned 18, her mother took advantage of her daughter who was very vulnerable at the time because she had graduated high school and was so nervous about her future and was on the verge of a planned break up with her boyfriend because they were going to go to different colleges. Also, the father at hand was having a hard time letting go of his little girl who he had protected and loved for 18 years. The daughter and father had an argument. The mother stepped in and encouraged negative and drastic advice to the daughter about her father and the daughter did not talk to the father, step mom (who was with the family the entire 16 years), little brother and sister, the whole entire side of the father’s and step mothers family for nearly a year. The birth mother claims to have had postpartum depression for her reason that she lost her daughter in this first place and is lying to everyone. Her mother had her first documented schizoaffective episode when she was 19 (didn’t have any kids yet). She claims to counsel women with postpartum depression and tells the world these lies when we know for a fact that she had schizoaffective disorder and bipolar disorder. We have court documented proof of this. This has been a very tough time. The birth mother has postings on public forums that also prove her negative encouragement to her daughter about her father. We have talked to the daughter a few times in the last couple of months, but we all need to sit down face to face and go over the whole situation and then lay it to rest once and for all.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Alienated Children As Cat’s Paws by JM </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-3399</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[JM]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 21 Jun 2011 01:27:22 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=518#comment-3399</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-3379">EC</a>. Wow...so true! It's too bad a jury couldn't somehow come into play for custody decisions rather than having the burden of decision-making placed solely onto one (most likely burned-out) family court judge. With the amount of custody cases however, this is sadly an improbable suggestion. These are unfortunately common issues that many families have dealt with in one way or another in some aspect of their life. I agree with you that alienation needs to be more of a factor that carries weight as a form of emotional child abuse when decisions are made as to child custody.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-3379">EC</a>.</p> <p>Wow…so true! It’s too bad a jury couldn’t somehow come into play for custody decisions rather than having the burden of decision-making placed solely onto one (most likely burned-out) family court judge. With the amount of custody cases however, this is sadly an improbable suggestion. These are unfortunately common issues that many families have dealt with in one way or another in some aspect of their life. I agree with you that alienation needs to be more of a factor that carries weight as a form of emotional child abuse when decisions are made as to child custody.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by Jim </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3396</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 20 Jun 2011 19:17:34 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-3396</guid> <description><![CDATA[I don't believe in any bit of hope whatsoever. ZERO. My daughter is going to hate me forever. She is sixteen. Her mother has stolen her father away, her childhood, her future and her soul. My little girl who loved me so much treats me less than an insect. She throws away everything I get her. IPad? What a waste. Bicycle? Waste. There is not going to be an individuation for her. She is going to stay a small, mean child entitled to do anything - just like her mother. I give my duaghter unconditional love and she hurts me and laughs in my face. And I have no recourse. So sometime when she is downtrodden and forty years old and I am an old man she will try to reconcile with me? No, she loves her mommy too much because her mommy is a perfect - God on Earth. And in the meantime she treats my eighty year old parents like dirt too. They did nothing to her but love her, just like me. How am I going to forgive that they will be disrespected and die and she will never say sorry to them? I am thinking I never will now. Everyone can say that she is just brainwashed and will come around. Well, anymore I am just thinking too bad, chick, your loss.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I don’t believe in any bit of hope whatsoever. ZERO. My daughter is going to hate me forever. She is sixteen. Her mother has stolen her father away, her childhood, her future and her soul. My little girl who loved me so much treats me less than an insect. She throws away everything I get her. IPad? What a waste. Bicycle? Waste. </p> <p>There is not going to be an individuation for her. She is going to stay a small, mean child entitled to do anything – just like her mother. I give my duaghter unconditional love and she hurts me and laughs in my face. And I have no recourse. </p> <p>So sometime when she is downtrodden and forty years old and I am an old man she will try to reconcile with me? No, she loves her mommy too much because her mommy is a perfect – God on Earth. And in the meantime she treats my eighty year old parents like dirt too. They did nothing to her but love her, just like me. </p> <p>How am I going to forgive that they will be disrespected and die and she will never say sorry to them? I am thinking I never will now. Everyone can say that she is just brainwashed and will come around. Well, anymore I am just thinking too bad, chick, your loss.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Alienated Children As Cat’s Paws by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-3379</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 18 Jun 2011 23:19:14 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=518#comment-3379</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-3354">EdWatters</a>. Child custody decisions are made in a way that's somewhat similar to the sentencing phase of a criminal case, which follows a conviction, in that judges have extensive discretion, although the guidelines that bracket the choices the judge can make are for most crimes much narrower than the mostly wide open field they have in custody cases.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-3354">EdWatters</a>.</p> <p>Child custody decisions are made in a way that’s somewhat similar to the sentencing phase of a criminal case, which follows a conviction, in that judges have extensive discretion, although the guidelines that bracket the choices the judge can make are for most crimes much narrower than the mostly wide open field they have in custody cases.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by B.L. </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3377</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[B.L.]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 18 Jun 2011 17:13:00 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-3377</guid> <description><![CDATA[In our situation, we knew that anything mailed, e-mailed and any voice mails were being deleted by the other parent and the daughter never knew anyone had ever tried to contact her. We set up a group on facebook where friends and family could leave messages for her in the hopes that someday she would see it.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In our situation, we knew that anything mailed, e-mailed and any voice mails were being deleted by the other parent and the daughter never knew anyone had ever tried to contact her. We set up a group on facebook where friends and family could leave messages for her in the hopes that someday she would see it.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Alienated Children As Cat’s Paws by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-3371</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 17 Jun 2011 21:58:49 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=518#comment-3371</guid> <description><![CDATA[However family law has no provision that parental alienation figures into a custody decision in any particular way, or that recompense for suffering from it is due, in a way similar to the federal law protecting an employee who is also in military service which this case is about. The main problem with parental alienation in court is not that the interpersonal dynamics of it isn't understood, but that it doesn't count or carries no weight within the framework by which decisions are made.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>However family law has no provision that parental alienation figures into a custody decision in any particular way, or that recompense for suffering from it is due, in a way similar to the federal law protecting an employee who is also in military service which this case is about.</p> <p>The main problem with parental alienation in court is not that the interpersonal dynamics of it isn’t understood, but that it doesn’t count or carries no weight within the framework by which decisions are made.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Father’s Day Message to Rejected Fathers by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/16/fathers-day-message-to-rejected-fathers/#comment-3361</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 16 Jun 2011 23:09:46 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=525#comment-3361</guid> <description><![CDATA[However, a propos this otherwise good suggestion, many parents are barred by court order from attempting to contact their alienated children---a voice or email message may result in punitive action being taken against them---even when the child would actually welcome it. Unfortunately one's reality includes and can't ignore what all the people, behaving as a group, around them think about them and how they are treated in a broad family and community context. A `narrative' that's been constructed in accordance with powerful political and personal interests and exigencies easily trumps the literal facts. And many parents have to admit that despite their best efforts they didn't manage to deliver much love and care to their child's benefit.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>However, a propos this otherwise good suggestion, many parents are barred by court order from attempting to contact their alienated children—a voice or email message may result in punitive action being taken against them—even when the child would actually welcome it.</p> <p>Unfortunately one’s reality includes and can’t ignore what all the people, behaving as a group, around them think about them and how they are treated in a broad family and community context. A `narrative’ that’s been constructed in accordance with powerful political and personal interests and exigencies easily trumps the literal facts. And many parents have to admit that despite their best efforts they didn’t manage to deliver much love and care to their child’s benefit.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Alienated Children As Cat’s Paws by EdWatters </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/06/15/alienated-children-as-cats-paws/#comment-3354</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EdWatters]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 15 Jun 2011 23:10:30 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=518#comment-3354</guid> <description><![CDATA[I hope Dr Warshak is correct that this decision could eventually have some relevance for cases involving PAS. After spending over 2 years in Family court in a PAS case however, I am pessimistic. Family court is as alien to rational decision making as Mars is to Earth and totally lacking the attributes that make criminal court a forum where justice is a reasonable expectation, such as due process and burden of proof belonging to the accuser.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I hope Dr Warshak is correct that this decision could eventually have some relevance for cases involving PAS. After spending over 2 years in Family court in a PAS case however, I am pessimistic. Family court is as alien to rational decision making as Mars is to Earth and totally lacking the attributes that make criminal court a forum where justice is a reasonable expectation, such as due process and burden of proof belonging to the accuser.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate by [name withheld by admin] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/17/existence-of-parental-alienation-is-now-beyond-debate/#comment-3311</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by admin]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 09 Jun 2011 06:09:34 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=500#comment-3311</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/17/existence-of-parental-alienation-is-now-beyond-debate/#comment-3115">Beatty</a>. I couldn't Agree with you more in all that you said here. This is absolutely True! In my case, he who has the most gold wins. He stole all of our community funds and used is against me as he payed his attorney handsomely and the judges NEVER ordered to even the playing field. He then PERJURED himself with every declaration he wrote. I defended myself with declarations that not only spoke the Truth, but had back up to prove he was Lying. His hearsay won every time as I was slammed up against the wall with his barrage of lies and my arms laden heavy with ALL of my Proof were completely ignored; silenced, never even read. And each time we were to speak of having children returned to me; which was to be On Calendar, suddenly, he would have some Emergency to speak of that not only was calculatingly deflecting, but just more hearsay lies that I had to defend.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/17/existence-of-parental-alienation-is-now-beyond-debate/#comment-3115">Beatty</a>.</p> <p>I couldn’t Agree with you more in all that you said here. This is absolutely True! In my case, he who has the most gold wins. He stole all of our community funds and used is against me as he payed his attorney handsomely and the judges NEVER ordered to even the playing field. He then PERJURED himself with every declaration he wrote. I defended myself with declarations that not only spoke the Truth, but had back up to prove he was Lying. His hearsay won every time as I was slammed up against the wall with his barrage of lies and my arms laden heavy with ALL of my Proof were completely ignored; silenced, never even read.<br /> And each time we were to speak of having children returned to me; which was to be On Calendar, suddenly, he would have some Emergency to speak of that not only was calculatingly deflecting, but just more hearsay lies that I had to defend.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate by [name withheld by admin] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/17/existence-of-parental-alienation-is-now-beyond-debate/#comment-3299</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by admin]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 08 Jun 2011 05:01:16 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=500#comment-3299</guid> <description><![CDATA[Parental alienation. a concept that is so evident, prevalent..and not used as a factor in difficult divorces...has now truly been a source of strength and validation. I believe P.A. begins...many years before a divorce is even filed. I recall, vividly, with witnesses, that my daughter, then aged 7-13 years of age, was exposed to weekly comments denigrating her Mom's family. Yet this was the consistently loving and supportive family she saw regularly. Because they did not have stock options and memberships in Country Clubs, they were beneath the girls' status.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Parental alienation. a concept that is so evident, prevalent..and not used as a factor in difficult divorces…has now truly been a source of strength and validation. I believe P.A. begins…many years before a divorce is even filed. I recall, vividly, with witnesses, that my daughter, then aged 7-13 years of age, was exposed to weekly comments denigrating her Mom’s family. Yet this was the consistently loving and supportive family she saw regularly. Because they did not have stock options and memberships in Country Clubs, they were beneath the girls’ status.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by Janta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3251</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Janta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 02 Jun 2011 06:36:30 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3251</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3234">justme</a>. Good on those who take comfort from religion. If that helps you through the heartbreak and gives you strength, go for it. I agree with justme that you have to keep fighting, and not lose hope. Because I am persevering, I am seeing slow, but tangible changes in my relationship with my daughters. Keep at it, and at the very least you know you are doing the right thing as a parent, and you are greatly increasing your chances of regaining a relationship. As an atheist, I have a firm belief that good people can do good things, and this belief is amply confirmed to me every day. Let good people help you get through this. I am so glad to have come across Dr Warshak, whose advice and materials have been immensely helpful. However, good people are everywhere, whether it is your friends supporting your happiness and wellbeing, whether it is a teacher or neighbour who treat you well in front of your alienated child, or whether it's relatives, or parents of your child's friends, who keep you informed about what is going on your child's life, and who do everything they can to facilitate a reunion. So have faith in yourself as a parent and in the good people who are only too happy to support you, whether you have *a Faith* or not.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3234">justme</a>.</p> <p>Good on those who take comfort from religion. If that helps you through the heartbreak and gives you strength, go for it. I agree with justme that you have to keep fighting, and not lose hope. Because I am persevering, I am seeing slow, but tangible changes in my relationship with my daughters. Keep at it, and at the very least you know you are doing the right thing as a parent, and you are greatly increasing your chances of regaining a relationship.<br /> As an atheist, I have a firm belief that good people can do good things, and this belief is amply confirmed to me every day. Let good people help you get through this. I am so glad to have come across Dr Warshak, whose advice and materials have been immensely helpful. However, good people are everywhere, whether it is your friends supporting your happiness and wellbeing, whether it is a teacher or neighbour who treat you well in front of your alienated child, or whether it’s relatives, or parents of your child’s friends, who keep you informed about what is going on your child’s life, and who do everything they can to facilitate a reunion. So have faith in yourself as a parent and in the good people who are only too happy to support you, whether you have *a Faith* or not.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by justme </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3234</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[justme]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 30 May 2011 04:43:43 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3234</guid> <description><![CDATA[Sorry, that really should be the word SELFLESSNESS in the first sentence of the last paragraph. That's really the whole of it. It's about selflessness. No fear, God always rewards. Last week was my stepdaughter's wedding. Painful, but I know He hears my cries, and He knows my heart. For all those hurting, take heart, God cares.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Sorry, that really should be the word SELFLESSNESS in the first sentence of the last paragraph. That’s really the whole of it. It’s about selflessness. No fear, God always rewards. Last week was my stepdaughter’s wedding. Painful, but I know He hears my cries, and He knows my heart. For all those hurting, take heart, God cares.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by justme </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3233</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[justme]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 30 May 2011 04:32:40 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3233</guid> <description><![CDATA[As a stepmom of 14 years, I can only say it is a pleasure to love the children, and the greatest heartbreak conceivable, watching an ex-wife bash my husband and myself. The most horrible was realizing a child was being manipulated, and knowing that at age 6, no child has any built-in protection of that. Particularly when it comes from a parent. I tell all parents now in the battle for custody - if your child matters to you, fight that battle against an alienator with everything in you. God will walk with you, no matter what the outcome appears to be. Thank Him for your child and His help in keeping a good relationship with your child. Oddly enough, I just got my answer. :) Giving thanks is faith and faith receives God's promises. My utmost respect and admiration for the selfishness of those who take care of others' children, and the pure love it takes to do so. You are walking in the way of the Godly. He is walking with you. May God's presence surround you, may you be aware that you are loved, and that in time it will be known you are a good and faithful servant. May God's love bless you and may the love you give to the child return to you from them and others a hundredfold!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>As a stepmom of 14 years, I can only say it is a pleasure to love the children, and the greatest heartbreak conceivable, watching an ex-wife bash my husband and myself. The most horrible was realizing a child was being manipulated, and knowing that at age 6, no child has any built-in protection of that. Particularly when it comes from a parent. I tell all parents now in the battle for custody – if your child matters to you, fight that battle against an alienator with everything in you. God will walk with you, no matter what the outcome appears to be. Thank Him for your child and His help in keeping a good relationship with your child. Oddly enough, I just got my answer. 🙂 Giving thanks is faith and faith receives God’s promises. </p> <p>My utmost respect and admiration for the selfishness of those who take care of others’ children, and the pure love it takes to do so. You are walking in the way of the Godly. He is walking with you. May God’s presence surround you, may you be aware that you are loved, and that in time it will be known you are a good and faithful servant. May God’s love bless you and may the love you give to the child return to you from them and others a hundredfold!</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on NY Higher Court Decision on Parental Alienation by Justins Mom </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-3204</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Justins Mom]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 25 May 2011 17:42:54 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=479#comment-3204</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2880">Paul Zieleniewski</a>. I agree with your simplistic approach...it is logical. If a child is expressing unusual behavior and hatred toward one of their parents, the courts should at very least, make CERTAIN that the visits continue regularly. And, in the worst cased...change custody to the other parent for a given time period. For the childs' sake.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2880">Paul Zieleniewski</a>.</p> <p>I agree with your simplistic approach…it is logical. If a child is expressing unusual behavior and hatred toward one of their parents, the courts should at very least, make CERTAIN that the visits continue regularly. And, in the worst cased…change custody to the other parent for a given time period. For the childs’ sake.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on NY Higher Court Decision on Parental Alienation by Justins Mom </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-3203</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Justins Mom]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 25 May 2011 17:34:35 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=479#comment-3203</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2888">Name withheld by admin</a>. I'm sorry to hear this story. I was alienated from my oldest son; the only child from my first marriage. It began before we were divorced. My ex worked tirelessly to buy my son, say negative things about me and make my child feel as though he was "in danger" when he spent time with me. My ex is a soft spoken man...but in our marriage was controlling. I worked full time and paid our mortgage and bills; while he was a union painter and later, started his own company, with my financial assistance. He would flip out if I was even a few minutes late from work (and picking up our son at daycare). I couldn't buy new clothes for work, or he would get angry. He always bought me "high calorie treats" that, of course I would eat and gain 15 pounds; and feel miserable when I couldn't fit in my clothes. He would praise me by saying, "I love you this way" even though I felt horrible about myself. He hated times when I visited with my family. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother and both of my parents. We all live in the Chicagoland area. His father died when he was an infant, and his mother remarried and the kids were adopted by the new father. She kept no memories or photos of his birth father and only said a couple of negative things about him during the time we were together. The subject of the real father was off limits, taboo. I truly believe he had such low self-esteem that this made him feel "good" somehow. I believe he is narcissistic. This is purely observation, as I have no relationship or feelings about him. He hated that I got remarried and began a new life with a teriffic man. He litigated against me for 18 years. By age 10, my son weighed about 175 lbs. He was tight-lipped about activites, school, etc. We were in therapy by the time he was 11 or 12. My son refused all visitation by the time he was 16. The courts were no help. Ever. By age 18, my son contacted me and we began going to lunch, dinner, etc. I was elated for awhile...only to learn that he was not only doing drugs, he was addicted to heroin. My son died January 15th, 2011. His final messages to friends were that he was about to go through divorce #2 and he seemed to express that it was his fault. I'm sure he was made to feel that way. He had been in a sober-living ministry for almost 2 months, prior to his dad taking him out for the day, and him returning with drugs for "anxiety". He was asked to leave and his dad picked him up. Another victory for dad. He almost made 2 months before I learned of his death. He had been living at his dad's painting business "shop". Got together with "friends" and used several drugs. This is the worst case scenario for a child who has been indoctrinated into a parent's alienation tactics, but it happened to me. My worst fears came to fruition. Now the grief I feel is debilitating. I blame myself at times for "saving" myself; and not having the ability to "save" my son. Alienated children have a heavy cross to bear. They must cope with their choice to have "chosen". They realize at some point that they no longer have important family members in their lives that they once loved; but they have the fond memories of loving those family members. They too mourn the loss. Alienation is a frightening, evil and self-serving form of child abuse, imposed by an insecure parent; who claims to have done it all for the "best interest of the child". I feel for the person who shared this story. I feel the pain of your "grief without end" while your children are under the evil spell of alienation. It is sad and it is completely unfair to you and your children.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2888">Name withheld by admin</a>.</p> <p>I’m sorry to hear this story. I was alienated from my oldest son; the only child from my first marriage. It began before we were divorced. My ex worked tirelessly to buy my son, say negative things about me and make my child feel as though he was “in danger” when he spent time with me. My ex is a soft spoken man…but in our marriage was controlling. I worked full time and paid our mortgage and bills; while he was a union painter and later, started his own company, with my financial assistance. He would flip out if I was even a few minutes late from work (and picking up our son at daycare). I couldn’t buy new clothes for work, or he would get angry. He always bought me “high calorie treats” that, of course I would eat and gain 15 pounds; and feel miserable when I couldn’t fit in my clothes. He would praise me by saying, “I love you this way” even though I felt horrible about myself. He hated times when I visited with my family. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother and both of my parents. We all live in the Chicagoland area. His father died when he was an infant, and his mother remarried and the kids were adopted by the new father. She kept no memories or photos of his birth father and only said a couple of negative things about him during the time we were together. The subject of the real father was off limits, taboo. I truly believe he had such low self-esteem that this made him feel “good” somehow. I believe he is narcissistic. This is purely observation, as I have no relationship or feelings about him. He hated that I got remarried and began a new life with a teriffic man. He litigated against me for 18 years. </p> <p>By age 10, my son weighed about 175 lbs. He was tight-lipped about activites, school, etc. We were in therapy by the time he was 11 or 12. My son refused all visitation by the time he was 16. The courts were no help. Ever. By age 18, my son contacted me and we began going to lunch, dinner, etc. I was elated for awhile…only to learn that he was not only doing drugs, he was addicted to heroin. </p> <p>My son died January 15th, 2011. His final messages to friends were that he was about to go through divorce #2 and he seemed to express that it was his fault. I’m sure he was made to feel that way. He had been in a sober-living ministry for almost 2 months, prior to his dad taking him out for the day, and him returning with drugs for “anxiety”. He was asked to leave and his dad picked him up. Another victory for dad. He almost made 2 months before I learned of his death. He had been living at his dad’s painting business “shop”. Got together with “friends” and used several drugs. </p> <p>This is the worst case scenario for a child who has been indoctrinated into a parent’s alienation tactics, but it happened to me. My worst fears came to fruition. Now the grief I feel is debilitating. I blame myself at times for “saving” myself; and not having the ability to “save” my son. Alienated children have a heavy cross to bear. They must cope with their choice to have “chosen”. They realize at some point that they no longer have important family members in their lives that they once loved; but they have the fond memories of loving those family members. They too mourn the loss. Alienation is a frightening, evil and self-serving form of child abuse, imposed by an insecure parent; who claims to have done it all for the “best interest of the child”. I feel for the person who shared this story. I feel the pain of your “grief without end” while your children are under the evil spell of alienation. It is sad and it is completely unfair to you and your children.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Shriver & Schwarzenegger: What About the Kids? by Nik </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/24/shriver-schwarzenegger-what-about-the-kids/#comment-3201</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Nik]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 25 May 2011 16:22:01 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=511#comment-3201</guid> <description><![CDATA[I'm disappointed that not more is being said about Arnold's 5th child. It's how will his 4 children with Maria fare...how about his 5th child, his 13 year old son? Who wasnt even given his father's last name. I'm sad to read all the articles talking about poor Maria and her kids. What about this little 13 year old boy...]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I’m disappointed that not more is being said about Arnold’s 5th child. It’s how will his 4 children with Maria fare…how about his 5th child, his 13 year old son? Who wasnt even given his father’s last name. I’m sad to read all the articles talking about poor Maria and her kids. What about this little 13 year old boy…</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on The Complex Tapestry of Parent-Child Relations by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-3184</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 23 May 2011 14:38:30 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=223#comment-3184</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-3163">EC</a>. Indeed, I don't know of an alternative word, but if you try to describe the notion in any language you will encounter stiff resistance against even considering the idea, often on grounds that to do so could ``cost women their lives.'' However the `argument' I usually hear is that invoking parental alienation under any guise in court actually trumps the preclusion of custody which would normally follow from unrefuted proof of abuse, in that, it's claimed, it forces courts into awarding primary custody to abusers, despite their recognizing the abuse. I'll bet a near or clear majority of Americans do believe that technicalities or loopholes in the law not infrequently result in custody orders heavily favoring parents with violent criminal records, including child abuse and intimate partner battering, against the better judgment of the judges. I attribute this to the amount of unremitting repetition the claim has received, not the `logic' which usually accompanies it. The public understanding of parental alienation as the specific point of law supposedly responsible is somewhat cloudier. The desire seems to be having all accusations of abuse taken at face value and accepted immediately, with no rebuttal allowed, but also in some cases in which it has been claimed charges of parental alienation were involved, it appears they were not, and rather other issues such as child neglect and parental substance abuse figured prominently.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-3163">EC</a>.</p> <p>Indeed, I don’t know of an alternative word, but if you try to describe the notion in any language you will encounter stiff resistance against even considering the idea, often on grounds that to do so could “cost women their lives.”</p> <p>However the `argument’ I usually hear is that invoking parental alienation under any guise in court actually trumps the preclusion of custody which would normally follow from unrefuted proof of abuse, in that, it’s claimed, it forces courts into awarding primary custody to abusers, despite their recognizing the abuse.</p> <p>I’ll bet a near or clear majority of Americans do believe that technicalities or loopholes in the law not infrequently result in custody orders heavily favoring parents with violent criminal records, including child abuse and intimate partner battering, against the better judgment of the judges. I attribute this to the amount of unremitting repetition the claim has received, not the `logic’ which usually accompanies it. The public understanding of parental alienation as the specific point of law supposedly responsible is somewhat cloudier.</p> <p>The desire seems to be having all accusations of abuse taken at face value and accepted immediately, with no rebuttal allowed, but also in some cases in which it has been claimed charges of parental alienation were involved, it appears they were not, and rather other issues such as child neglect and parental substance abuse figured prominently.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Parents Helping Parents: Tips from Victims of Divorce Poison by Janta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3179</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Janta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 23 May 2011 06:16:57 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=236#comment-3179</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3165">Sam</a>. Hi Sam Sounds like you are doing the right things already. Have you read *Divorce Poison* and considered showing your sons *Welcome back, Pluto*? I am making progress with those. Good luck!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3165">Sam</a>.</p> <p>Hi Sam<br /> Sounds like you are doing the right things already. Have you read *Divorce Poison* and considered showing your sons *Welcome back, Pluto*? I am making progress with those. Good luck!</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on The Complex Tapestry of Parent-Child Relations by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-3171</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 22 May 2011 14:00:55 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=223#comment-3171</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-3163">EC</a>. I do not think it matters what term is used to describe a child's irrational rejection of a parent, or a parent's behavior that can mislead a child into rejecting the other parent. The people who oppose the term parental alienation really oppose introducing the idea in court that this can occur. The state of the field has reached the point where it is very difficult for someone to dismiss this concept entirely. See my recent post <a href="http://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/17/existence-of-parental-alienation-is-now-beyond-debate/" rel="nofollow">Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate.</a> Nevertheless, opponents of the use of this concept in court fear that the mere mention of it misleads judges into dismissing the validity of claims of domestic violence and child abuse whenever a litigant accuses the other side of alienating behavior. They also claim that the incidence of a child's irrational rejection of a parent is rare and thus does not justify using a concept in court that has, in their view, great potential to result in harm to children and mothers.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-3163">EC</a>.</p> <p>I do not think it matters what term is used to describe a child’s irrational rejection of a parent, or a parent’s behavior that can mislead a child into rejecting the other parent. The people who oppose the term parental alienation really oppose introducing the idea in court that this can occur. The state of the field has reached the point where it is very difficult for someone to dismiss this concept entirely. See my recent post <a href="http://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/17/existence-of-parental-alienation-is-now-beyond-debate/" rel="nofollow">Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate.</a> Nevertheless, opponents of the use of this concept in court fear that the mere mention of it misleads judges into dismissing the validity of claims of domestic violence and child abuse whenever a litigant accuses the other side of alienating behavior. They also claim that the incidence of a child’s irrational rejection of a parent is rare and thus does not justify using a concept in court that has, in their view, great potential to result in harm to children and mothers.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Parents Helping Parents: Tips from Victims of Divorce Poison by Sam </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3165</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Sam]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 21 May 2011 02:39:52 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=236#comment-3165</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-1785">Raelee</a>. I set up an email account for my boys. We are not in the situation that many of you are in and would appreciate any guidance as I seem to have successfully navigated a highly active period of aggressive parental aliention from their Dad but am worried about the future. I started counseling with my oldest son who was showing the signs much more than his younger brother. I email them and say hi, thinking about you and reminding them of fun activities or vacations that we have taken. They especially like to hear about when they were babies and the times we had while I stayed at home. Another thing I started that (unknowingly) seemed to help was looking at pictures of them when they were little and telling stories about those pictures. I am in a place where I want to circumvent (to the best of my ability) any further alienating situations. Their father is still talking about me, our house, telling them they get to decide where they live- 'You're gonna pick me, right," and I want to know if there is any ideas that help to be proactive and stop it from worsening. Thanks!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-1785">Raelee</a>.</p> <p>I set up an email account for my boys. We are not in the situation that many of you are in and would appreciate any guidance as I seem to have successfully navigated a highly active period of aggressive parental aliention from their Dad but am worried about the future. I started counseling with my oldest son who was showing the signs much more than his younger brother. I email them and say hi, thinking about you and reminding them of fun activities or vacations that we have taken. They especially like to hear about when they were babies and the times we had while I stayed at home. Another thing I started that (unknowingly) seemed to help was looking at pictures of them when they were little and telling stories about those pictures. I am in a place where I want to circumvent (to the best of my ability) any further alienating situations. Their father is still talking about me, our house, telling them they get to decide where they live- ‘You’re gonna pick me, right,” and I want to know if there is any ideas that help to be proactive and stop it from worsening.</p> <p>Thanks!</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on The Complex Tapestry of Parent-Child Relations by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-3163</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 20 May 2011 22:50:14 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=223#comment-3163</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-145">EC</a>. Most court appointed evaluators most of the time work within the decision making framework of the court---if they didn't they wouldn't get appointed---and that usually means parental alienation is seen first as evidence for intra-parental conflict, and then the `logic' I've described, by which the further details don't matter, kicks in. The DSM is at least intended to be mostly a system standardizing nomenclature: a schematic way of summarizing a diagnosis; it is not definitive as an arbiter of what is possible in human behavior. An evaluator claiming they can't take parental alienation into account in formulating a recommendation to the court because it's not enumerated in the DSM is pulling your leg. In many parts of California the term `parental alienation' is considered impolite or offensive language: the very best mention it can get is to be described as ``controversial.'']]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-145">EC</a>.</p> <p>Most court appointed evaluators most of the time work within the decision making framework of the court—if they didn’t they wouldn’t get appointed—and that usually means parental alienation is seen first as evidence for intra-parental conflict, and then the `logic’ I’ve described, by which the further details don’t matter, kicks in.</p> <p>The DSM is at least intended to be mostly a system standardizing nomenclature: a schematic way of summarizing a diagnosis; it is not definitive as an arbiter of what is possible in human behavior. An evaluator claiming they can’t take parental alienation into account in formulating a recommendation to the court because it’s not enumerated in the DSM is pulling your leg.</p> <p>In many parts of California the term `parental alienation’ is considered impolite or offensive language: the very best mention it can get is to be described as “controversial.”</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/17/existence-of-parental-alienation-is-now-beyond-debate/#comment-3149</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 19 May 2011 23:07:30 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=500#comment-3149</guid> <description><![CDATA[There are quite a few replies and posts already on this blogsite discussing what evidence matters and what does not in family court. Judges most of the time quickly recognize false allegations and don't need to see further evidence one way or the other, but are very sensitive to intra-parental conflict and tend strongly toward ordering a very asymmetric parenting arrangement when they see it. Which parent becomes the dominate powerholder is determined largely by the status quo in the place of residence for the child, and who's been the primary caregiver, which often results in the false accuser significantly enhancing their position, as calculated. To fix this requires provoking a re-examination of the prevailing doctrine that conflict between the parents precludes joint custody, much more than more rigorous handling of evidence. Legal discussions of `causation' usually apply to tort law, and thus might matter to a parent seeking money damages as compensation for a campaign of alienation conducted against them, harming both them and their child, but has no precedential or other direct legal bearing on family court and custody orders.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>There are quite a few replies and posts already on this blogsite discussing what evidence matters and what does not in family court.</p> <p>Judges most of the time quickly recognize false allegations and don’t need to see further evidence one way or the other, but are very sensitive to intra-parental conflict and tend strongly toward ordering a very asymmetric parenting arrangement when they see it. Which parent becomes the dominate powerholder is determined largely by the status quo in the place of residence for the child, and who’s been the primary caregiver, which often results in the false accuser significantly enhancing their position, as calculated.</p> <p>To fix this requires provoking a re-examination of the prevailing doctrine that conflict between the parents precludes joint custody, much more than more rigorous handling of evidence. </p> <p>Legal discussions of `causation’ usually apply to tort law, and thus might matter to a parent seeking money damages as compensation for a campaign of alienation conducted against them, harming both them and their child, but has no precedential or other direct legal bearing on family court and custody orders.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on The Complex Tapestry of Parent-Child Relations by Ron Ligouri </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-3148</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Ron Ligouri]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 19 May 2011 22:16:26 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=223#comment-3148</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-145">EC</a>. You make some very good points regarding judicial discresion in family courts. However, it is my belief after years of dealing with the California courts on PAS, that under the current system the expert recommendations carry significant weight in the courts ultimate decision in PAS custody disputes. The most prevalent problem I have faced with appointed experts is the ambiguity associated with PAS. Most of the opposing therapists I have encountered have used the excuse of the absence of PAS in the DSM for supporting their unwillingness to recommend remedies to the court for what they openly acknowledge is wrongful and profoundly damaging behavior.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-145">EC</a>.</p> <p>You make some very good points regarding judicial discresion in family courts. However, it is my belief after years of dealing with the California courts on PAS, that under the current system the expert recommendations carry significant weight in the courts ultimate decision in PAS custody disputes. The most prevalent problem I have faced with appointed experts is the ambiguity associated with PAS. Most of the opposing therapists I have encountered have used the excuse of the absence of PAS in the DSM for supporting their unwillingness to recommend remedies to the court for what they openly acknowledge is wrongful and profoundly damaging behavior.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by Joy Henley </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3140</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Joy Henley]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 19 May 2011 16:12:10 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3140</guid> <description><![CDATA[Regardless of what happens or does not happen on Mother's Day, a mother is still a mother everyday. She still shares that prenatal history, along with the experience of nurturing, laboring and loving her child. She will always be the mom!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Regardless of what happens or does not happen on Mother’s Day, a mother is still a mother everyday. She still shares that prenatal history, along with the experience of nurturing, laboring and loving her child. She will always be the mom!</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate by Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate by Dr. Richard A. Warshak « Parental Alienation Disorder </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/17/existence-of-parental-alienation-is-now-beyond-debate/#comment-3133</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate by Dr. Richard A. Warshak « Parental Alienation Disorder]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 19 May 2011 03:57:40 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=500#comment-3133</guid> <description><![CDATA[[...] Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate by Dr. Richard A. Warshak May 19, 2011 Alienated Parents Leave a comment Go to comments Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate. Posted with permission by Dr. Richard A. Warshak [...]]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>[…] Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate by Dr. Richard A. Warshak May 19, 2011 Alienated Parents Leave a comment Go to comments Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate. Posted with permission by Dr. Richard A. Warshak […]</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Divorce Poison Makes LA Times Top 10 Books for Arnold and Maria by Irene </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/18/divorce-poison-makes-la-times-top-10-books-for-arnold-and-maria/#comment-3124</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Irene]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 18 May 2011 17:14:30 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=507#comment-3124</guid> <description><![CDATA[Maria Shriver's statement, "... as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal." is a red flag to me, although I am probably over-sensitive on this subject. They are not just <i>her</i> children, and she seems to be assuming that they are as devastated by their father's infidelity as she is, which is not necessarily the case. For the older children at least, their parents' separation should not require the children to 'rebuild their lives', unless they are encouraged to take sides and reject a parent.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Maria Shriver’s statement, “… as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal.” is a red flag to me, although I am probably over-sensitive on this subject. They are not just <i>her</i> children, and she seems to be assuming that they are as devastated by their father’s infidelity as she is, which is not necessarily the case. For the older children at least, their parents’ separation should not require the children to ‘rebuild their lives’, unless they are encouraged to take sides and reject a parent.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on The Complex Tapestry of Parent-Child Relations by [name withheld by admin] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/23/the-complex-tapestry-of-parent-child-relations/#comment-3118</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by admin]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 18 May 2011 00:56:23 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=223#comment-3118</guid> <description><![CDATA[I was with my ex for 14 years. He was very verbally and emotionally abusive. The alienation of my children towards me started during this high conflict marriage. It was one of the factors I had for divorce. So you are correct when you say the divorce itself has little to do with the alienation it is the narcissistic man I was married to.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I was with my ex for 14 years. He was very verbally and emotionally abusive. The alienation of my children towards me started during this high conflict marriage. It was one of the factors I had for divorce. So you are correct when you say the divorce itself has little to do with the alienation it is the narcissistic man I was married to.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on In Treatment by Beatty </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/05/in-treatment/#comment-3116</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Beatty]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 17 May 2011 19:34:56 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=157#comment-3116</guid> <description><![CDATA[I recently read somebody talking about how the show The Good Wife may have created an opening for this topic, alienation through the grandmother's meddling.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I recently read somebody talking about how the show The Good Wife may have created an opening for this topic, alienation through the grandmother’s meddling.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Existence of Parental Alienation Is Now Beyond Debate by Beatty </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/17/existence-of-parental-alienation-is-now-beyond-debate/#comment-3115</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Beatty]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 17 May 2011 18:44:18 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=500#comment-3115</guid> <description><![CDATA[It amazes me that this was even a topic of debate. Whether a syndrome or not - I understand THAT debate. But how was it even a question that there are parents out there who engage in this type of disturbing behavior? We live in a society where narcissism runs rampant. Where lying is not only allowed, but encouraged. It is an environment that breeds this kind of conduct. It's a problem that the courts, however unintentionally seem to foster. Our court system is supposed to be based on evidence, not allegations. That, however, does not seem to a reality. People are rewarded for lying and manipulating.. When there is clear evidence that an individual is lying, nothing is done about it. In my opinion, if there is IRREFUTABLE evidence that somebody is deliberately lying, that needs to be taken more seriously. There's always going to be deviations in anybody's version of an event - ppl misremember, personal perspective comes into play... but there's a significant difference between telling a major lie and having deviations in details/memory lapses. but when MAJOR claims are proven false by ACTUAL EVIDENCE, I feel that needs to be taken more seriously. Especially if such evidence is available and you did not seek it to support your allegations. If I were a judge, and you told me that you were "assaulted" in a monitored environment, my first thought it going to be "if this really happened, where's the surveillance video?" I know that if *I* had been assaulted in a place that was under surveillance, I would most certainly be getting a subpeona or a public records request for that video. If it happened once, OK... maybe the thought didn't occur to you. But 3 times? 4 times? 5 times and you make no effort to prove your claims? If you didn't make the effort to gather the available evidence to prove/disprove you repeated claims, just how credible are you really? I'd be a bit suspicious.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>It amazes me that this was even a topic of debate. Whether a syndrome or not – I understand THAT debate. But how was it even a question that there are parents out there who engage in this type of disturbing behavior? We live in a society where narcissism runs rampant. Where lying is not only allowed, but encouraged. It is an environment that breeds this kind of conduct.<br /> It’s a problem that the courts, however unintentionally seem to foster. Our court system is supposed to be based on evidence, not allegations. That, however, does not seem to a reality. People are rewarded for lying and manipulating.. When there is clear evidence that an individual is lying, nothing is done about it. In my opinion, if there is IRREFUTABLE evidence that somebody is deliberately lying, that needs to be taken more seriously. There’s always going to be deviations in anybody’s version of an event – ppl misremember, personal perspective comes into play… but there’s a significant difference between telling a major lie and having deviations in details/memory lapses. but when MAJOR claims are proven false by ACTUAL EVIDENCE, I feel that needs to be taken more seriously. Especially if such evidence is available and you did not seek it to support your allegations. If I were a judge, and you told me that you were “assaulted” in a monitored environment, my first thought it going to be “if this really happened, where’s the surveillance video?” I know that if *I* had been assaulted in a place that was under surveillance, I would most certainly be getting a subpeona or a public records request for that video. If it happened once, OK… maybe the thought didn’t occur to you. But 3 times? 4 times? 5 times and you make no effort to prove your claims? If you didn’t make the effort to gather the available evidence to prove/disprove you repeated claims, just how credible are you really? I’d be a bit suspicious.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Why Kids Shouldn’t “Visit” Parents This Summer by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/12/why-kids-shouldnt-visit-parents-this-summer/#comment-3069</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 13 May 2011 22:34:32 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=495#comment-3069</guid> <description><![CDATA[The real point is that `visiting' is not _parenting_: there's a substantive difference no matter what you call it. Some states have been using the term `parenting time' for a long time, and much of the time it's applied it's still really `visitation': not sufficient for a full or worthy-of-the-name parent-child relationship; speaking of `supervised parenting'---all contact with your child or parent occurring only in a center, under heavy surveillance---is absurd. I have no direct knowledge of Virginia family courts these days, but I'm suspicious of the private investigator's claim posted on Huffington Post that failure to support the other parent's parenting readily leads to reversal of custody there: I certainly don't see anything like that happening in states with which I am in touch, and would like to see some details.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The real point is that `visiting’ is not _parenting_: there’s a substantive difference no matter what you call it.</p> <p>Some states have been using the term `parenting time’ for a long time, and much of the time it’s applied it’s still really `visitation’: not sufficient for a full or worthy-of-the-name parent-child relationship; speaking of `supervised parenting’—all contact with your child or parent occurring only in a center, under heavy surveillance—is absurd.</p> <p>I have no direct knowledge of Virginia family courts these days, but I’m suspicious of the private investigator’s claim posted on Huffington Post that failure to support the other parent’s parenting readily leads to reversal of custody there: I certainly don’t see anything like that happening in states with which I am in touch, and would like to see some details.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by Katie </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3061</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Katie]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 13 May 2011 01:48:39 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3061</guid> <description><![CDATA[Love your site, but I ask Wht about the very much involved StepMoms that are completely ignored & rejected by their Skids on Mothers Day? 50%+ or more of the time I pick them up,drop them off, cook them food, buy them clothes, help with homework, care for them when they are sick, and all of the other things a Mom does for her children. In other words I love & treat them exactly the same as my 2bio kids. I also understand they have an involved mother, and in no way would I ever try to replace her. I'm just a little upset that a Mothers Day I got nothing...no card, Happy mothers day, email...nothing(but every year on Fathers Day they make a card a acknowledge him as a Father Figure) BioMom and my relationship has been hostile in the past and now I ignore her accusation, bath mouthing, and bashing. I do NOT badmouth my skid's BioMom and this year actually took my SD to go buy her mom a card & present for Mothers Day. For you to understand, you must know that my husband has shared physical custody w/his ex-wife and he also works A LOT! So the skids, our biokids, and I spend a lot of time without him, which has led to me being unfairly targeted by BioMom. I am always the one to blame, she lies to my skids, and seems like everything I do she critized, and try's to compete...even though this isn't a race or test of who is their better mother, She is their mother and I am their Stepmother. She basically relates to every aspect of the alienators in your book...I felt like I was reading my life while reading most of the stories in your book..except its not their father being alienated...it's me, and since he has "chosen me over his kids" he gets badmouth & bashed to the kids and anyone else. Honestly it's not just Mothers Day I felt rejected and hurt on, it's a lot of other days and holidays. I just don't know what to do anymore, I guess I am hoping you have advice or encouraging words for StepMoms that were rejected on mothers day because of the Alienating BioMom, and continue to be rejected many other days. I would really appreciate if you could add more insight and maybe cover more in depth the topic of "New Partner Alienation" thanks so much!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Love your site, but I ask Wht about the very much involved StepMoms that are completely ignored & rejected by their Skids on Mothers Day? 50%+ or more of the time I pick them up,drop them off, cook them food, buy them clothes, help with homework, care for them when they are sick, and all of the other things a Mom does for her children. In other words I love & treat them exactly the same as my 2bio kids. I also understand they have an involved mother, and in no way would I ever try to replace her. I’m just a little upset that a Mothers Day I got nothing…no card, Happy mothers day, email…nothing(but every year on Fathers Day they make a card a acknowledge him as a Father Figure) BioMom and my relationship has been hostile in the past and now I ignore her accusation, bath mouthing, and bashing. I do NOT badmouth my skid’s BioMom and this year actually took my SD to go buy her mom a card & present for Mothers Day. For you to understand, you must know that my husband has shared physical custody w/his ex-wife and he also works A LOT! So the skids, our biokids, and I spend a lot of time without him, which has led to me being unfairly targeted by BioMom. I am always the one to blame, she lies to my skids, and seems like everything I do she critized, and try’s to compete…even though this isn’t a race or test of who is their better mother, She is their mother and I am their Stepmother. She basically relates to every aspect of the alienators in your book…I felt like I was reading my life while reading most of the stories in your book..except its not their father being alienated…it’s me, and since he has “chosen me over his kids” he gets badmouth & bashed to the kids and anyone else. Honestly it’s not just Mothers Day I felt rejected and hurt on, it’s a lot of other days and holidays. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I guess I am hoping you have advice or encouraging words for StepMoms that were rejected on mothers day because of the Alienating BioMom, and continue to be rejected many other days. I would really appreciate if you could add more insight and maybe cover more in depth the topic of “New Partner Alienation” thanks so much!</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3042</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 10 May 2011 23:31:40 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3042</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3035">Carol</a>. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience. I am glad my book and email helped you at a difficult time. I think your comment will help others in your situation hold on to hope and resist giving up.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3035">Carol</a>.</p> <p>Thank you for taking the time to share your experience. I am glad my book and email helped you at a difficult time. I think your comment will help others in your situation hold on to hope and resist giving up.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3041</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 10 May 2011 23:28:28 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3041</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3028">Janta</a>. Your experience is encouraging. In some cases parents have to accept even small signs of progress that eventually may build into a full reconciliation.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3028">Janta</a>.</p> <p>Your experience is encouraging. In some cases parents have to accept even small signs of progress that eventually may build into a full reconciliation.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3040</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 10 May 2011 23:22:55 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3040</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3023">A Not So Wicked Stepmother</a>. May your prayers be answered.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3023">A Not So Wicked Stepmother</a>.</p> <p>May your prayers be answered.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3039</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 10 May 2011 23:21:55 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3039</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3022">[name withheld by admin]</a>. You are welcome. I am sorry for your loss and I hope that your 17-year-old soon finds his way back to you. We have no good statistics about the incidence in which some but not all siblings become unreasonably alienated from a parent. But I certainly have seen this in my consultations with courts and families. The reasons vary why one child succumbs to divorce poison while his brother resists. Some possibilities: 1) a parent puts more pressure on one child than the other to pledge allegiance by rejecting the other parent, 2) one child is at a stage of development that makes him more vulnerable to the angry parent's influence, 3) one child displays more effort or more skill at critical thinking, 4) one child is less secure about the favored parent's interest and love and feels the need to curry favor with that parent even at the expense of losing the other parent whose love has been more consistent and assured, 5) one child is more taken in by promises of gifts and freedom in exchange for rejecting the other parent, 6) one child has more difficulty understanding the nuances of the failure of a marriage and blames only one parent for the breakup, 7) one child has less tolerance for the anxiety that comes from failing to choose sides, 8- one child feels overly close to a parent, fears being dependent on that parent, and rejects the parent in an effort to create more psychological distance and independence, 9) one child has needed more discipline from a parent and the favored parent exploits the child's resentment of the discipline by encouraging the child to reject the disciplinarian and promising the child more freedom, 10) any combination of the above or other reasons that did not make this list.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3022">[name withheld by admin]</a>.</p> <p>You are welcome. I am sorry for your loss and I hope that your 17-year-old soon finds his way back to you. </p> <p>We have no good statistics about the incidence in which some but not all siblings become unreasonably alienated from a parent. But I certainly have seen this in my consultations with courts and families. The reasons vary why one child succumbs to divorce poison while his brother resists. Some possibilities: 1) a parent puts more pressure on one child than the other to pledge allegiance by rejecting the other parent, 2) one child is at a stage of development that makes him more vulnerable to the angry parent’s influence, 3) one child displays more effort or more skill at critical thinking, 4) one child is less secure about the favored parent’s interest and love and feels the need to curry favor with that parent even at the expense of losing the other parent whose love has been more consistent and assured, 5) one child is more taken in by promises of gifts and freedom in exchange for rejecting the other parent, 6) one child has more difficulty understanding the nuances of the failure of a marriage and blames only one parent for the breakup, 7) one child has less tolerance for the anxiety that comes from failing to choose sides, 8- one child feels overly close to a parent, fears being dependent on that parent, and rejects the parent in an effort to create more psychological distance and independence, 9) one child has needed more discipline from a parent and the favored parent exploits the child’s resentment of the discipline by encouraging the child to reject the disciplinarian and promising the child more freedom, 10) any combination of the above or other reasons that did not make this list.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by Carol </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3035</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Carol]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 10 May 2011 16:23:59 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3035</guid> <description><![CDATA[Thank You Dr. Warshak, I read your book 1 1/2 years ago as I was searching for answers on the internet to what was happening with my teenage boys who moved to their dads and much to everyone's amazement cut themselves off from me. The courts didn't care that I was being refused visitation. I kept saying, it was like they were brainwashed. I was lost and sought the help of several counselors who were also at a loss to help me. I was giving up hope that anyone could help me make sure that I didn't lose my children forever. Thanks to you, I began to text them short messages and learned not to expect a response. I took any exuse of a family party to see them and hugged them and told them how much I loved them ( at first they did not hug me back) . Now they really hug me and although I don't see them on a regular basis, I remind myself that every positive encounter is a step in the right direction. They are now 16 and 18 and I have hope that I will not be cut out of their lives. They are starting to see the games that dad and stepmom play. I thank you for your answering my email at the time I was so lost! You gave me the answers I was looking for. Divorce poison is the most important book I ever read.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Thank You Dr. Warshak,<br /> I read your book 1 1/2 years ago as I was searching for answers on the internet to what was happening with my teenage boys who moved to their dads and much to everyone’s amazement cut themselves off from me. The courts didn’t care that I was being refused visitation. I kept saying, it was like they were brainwashed. I was lost and sought the help of several counselors who were also at a loss to help me. I was giving up hope that anyone could help me make sure that I didn’t lose my children forever. Thanks to you, I began to text them short messages and learned not to expect a response. I took any exuse of a family party to see them and hugged them and told them how much I loved them ( at first they did not hug me back) . Now they really hug me and although I don’t see them on a regular basis, I remind myself that every positive encounter is a step in the right direction. They are now 16 and 18 and I have hope that I will not be cut out of their lives. They are starting to see the games that dad and stepmom play. I thank you for your answering my email at the time I was so lost! You gave me the answers I was looking for. Divorce poison is the most important book I ever read.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by Janta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3028</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Janta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 10 May 2011 04:47:22 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3028</guid> <description><![CDATA[Last year at this time, my youngest daughter was "never" going to speak to me again. Following Dr Warshak's advice, I managed to re-establish some contact with her. She visits me about once a week, and she is no longer hostile in her behaviour toward me. She still lives with her dad, but we have made so much progress that she sent me a "Happy Mother's Day" message and met me for coffee. We spent a nice day together, and I wanted to let other parents know that persistence pays off. Take whatever small steps you can take even in the most hopeless situation, and keep at it. Hopefully you will receive that "Happy Mother's Day" or "Happy Father's Day" message, too, at some point.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Last year at this time, my youngest daughter was “never” going to speak to me again. Following Dr Warshak’s advice, I managed to re-establish some contact with her. She visits me about once a week, and she is no longer hostile in her behaviour toward me. She still lives with her dad, but we have made so much progress that she sent me a “Happy Mother’s Day” message and met me for coffee. We spent a nice day together, and I wanted to let other parents know that persistence pays off. Take whatever small steps you can take even in the most hopeless situation, and keep at it. Hopefully you will receive that “Happy Mother’s Day” or “Happy Father’s Day” message, too, at some point.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by [name withheld by admin] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3024</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by admin]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 10 May 2011 01:16:32 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3024</guid> <description><![CDATA[OMG...I am thankful to find this site. My custody battle just started in February and along with it started the alienation, although the alienating "parent" is not my ex, it is not the children's father, but my own Mother, who for personal reasons I gave guardianship to in 2005. You can read a little about my story here: http://www.gofundme.com/48xqw . There is so much more to the story, but this is a little about what led to the guardianship. I have always had a very loving and close relationship with my children, that is until the custody case started. This whole mess started with me asking for more realistic visitation as my Mother has only allowed me visitation in her home. Since I no longer live in the same state and because of limited resources I was asking for visitation where I live, she replied with filing a suit for full custody in February and vowed to financially strap me with exhausting litigation. Since that time my children have become more and more alienated from me to the point of being extremely rude and disrespectful. Some saving grace was that at the last hearing the judge ordered them to spend their Spring Break here with me in Washington. We had a wonderful time, although difficult at times, they were able to relax and you could see the love in their eyes, they expressed it emotionally and towards the end of the trip verbally. I thought I had made progress but the very next day after being back in my Mother's presence they were right back to hanging up on me, calling me names and even including their 8 year old brother in the alienation (I have full physical and legal custody of my youngest) by refusing to even acknowledge him during our Skypes, which we have been ordered to do nightly. Our Skypes lately consist of me calling, them answering and within a minute they hang up on me, but not before saying some pretty rude and rotten things to me. I refuse to give up, I still call them nightly knowing I will be hung up on and I send daily reports to my attorney. We have sent numerous letters to opposing counsel demanding the alienation stop. The children told me when they were here that my Mother lets them read every court document that is filed, which is in violation of several codes within the court. I am hoping that by keeping a good account of what is going on and making sure that the judge knows that I am committed to making sure my children get the proper counseling that the judge will see through the manipulation. Again, thank you for this site....it is now a new bookmark and I will be ordering a few of the DVD's which I plan on watching with my children when I see them in two weeks for a court date. I realize they will be resistant to watching but if they pick up on even a little bit then I've made progress. My advice to anyone experiencing parental alienation is to NEVER give up, keep good records, insist on counseling and stay positive. Thank you. [name withheld by admin]]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>OMG…I am thankful to find this site. My custody battle just started in February and along with it started the alienation, although the alienating “parent” is not my ex, it is not the children’s father, but my own Mother, who for personal reasons I gave guardianship to in 2005. You can read a little about my story here: <a href="http://www.gofundme.com/48xqw" rel="nofollow ugc">http://www.gofundme.com/48xqw</a> . There is so much more to the story, but this is a little about what led to the guardianship. I have always had a very loving and close relationship with my children, that is until the custody case started. This whole mess started with me asking for more realistic visitation as my Mother has only allowed me visitation in her home. Since I no longer live in the same state and because of limited resources I was asking for visitation where I live, she replied with filing a suit for full custody in February and vowed to financially strap me with exhausting litigation. Since that time my children have become more and more alienated from me to the point of being extremely rude and disrespectful. Some saving grace was that at the last hearing the judge ordered them to spend their Spring Break here with me in Washington. We had a wonderful time, although difficult at times, they were able to relax and you could see the love in their eyes, they expressed it emotionally and towards the end of the trip verbally. I thought I had made progress but the very next day after being back in my Mother’s presence they were right back to hanging up on me, calling me names and even including their 8 year old brother in the alienation (I have full physical and legal custody of my youngest) by refusing to even acknowledge him during our Skypes, which we have been ordered to do nightly. Our Skypes lately consist of me calling, them answering and within a minute they hang up on me, but not before saying some pretty rude and rotten things to me. I refuse to give up, I still call them nightly knowing I will be hung up on and I send daily reports to my attorney. We have sent numerous letters to opposing counsel demanding the alienation stop. The children told me when they were here that my Mother lets them read every court document that is filed, which is in violation of several codes within the court. I am hoping that by keeping a good account of what is going on and making sure that the judge knows that I am committed to making sure my children get the proper counseling that the judge will see through the manipulation. Again, thank you for this site….it is now a new bookmark and I will be ordering a few of the DVD’s which I plan on watching with my children when I see them in two weeks for a court date. I realize they will be resistant to watching but if they pick up on even a little bit then I’ve made progress. My advice to anyone experiencing parental alienation is to NEVER give up, keep good records, insist on counseling and stay positive.</p> <p>Thank you.</p> <p>[name withheld by admin]</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by A Not So Wicked Stepmother </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3023</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[A Not So Wicked Stepmother]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 10 May 2011 01:13:05 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3023</guid> <description><![CDATA[Thank you for posting this. Mother's Day was a nightmare! I was sure I'd sleep the day, content to not face the rest of the world, but life doesn't always go according to plan. Instead, I spent the day thinking of Mother's Day celebrations from the past and for a moment I was okay. Once the reality came creeping back it only served as a reminder that our particular battle was far from over. I have to hope. So many mothers that are without their children don't know how to hold on. Hope has been eradicated from their language by the actions and the emotions they're party to. For all of us who experienced Mother's Day without being able to celebrate the love and joy that our children bring to us, without hugs and smiles, I'm praying that next year is better.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Thank you for posting this. Mother’s Day was a nightmare! I was sure I’d sleep the day, content to not face the rest of the world, but life doesn’t always go according to plan. Instead, I spent the day thinking of Mother’s Day celebrations from the past and for a moment I was okay. Once the reality came creeping back it only served as a reminder that our particular battle was far from over.</p> <p>I have to hope. So many mothers that are without their children don’t know how to hold on. Hope has been eradicated from their language by the actions and the emotions they’re party to.</p> <p>For all of us who experienced Mother’s Day without being able to celebrate the love and joy that our children bring to us, without hugs and smiles, I’m praying that next year is better.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Mother’s Day Message to Rejected Mothers by [name withheld by admin] </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/08/mothers-day-message-to-rejected-mothers/#comment-3022</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[[name withheld by admin]]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 09 May 2011 21:11:42 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=491#comment-3022</guid> <description><![CDATA[Thank you so much for this message. I had a really rough day yesterday. My 15 year old son spent the day with me, but his 17 year old brother cut off all communication with me 2 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him, wonder how he is doing, and pray to God that someday he will be back in my life. We used to be so close before my divorce. Suddenly, almost overnight, he made the decision that he wanted nothing to do with me. He has blocked me from his email, cell phone, and facebook page. The day before he turned 16 he called me to let me know of his decision. The following day he received a new car from his father and step-mom for his birthday. I spent all of my savings and liquidated my retirement accounts to pay attorney fees, Parenting Coordinator fees, etc. My ex-husband makes $600,000 per year, and I am a nurse and make $55,000. I ran out of money to keep fighting for my and my son's rights, and my ex-husband knew this would happen. We share custody of my 15 year old and he spends about 50/50 time at each home. I refuse to bring him into the middle of the situation by asking him about his brother. He knows that I am sad and that it is hard on me. How common is it for one child to be alienated and the other not to be? The same things are being said to both of them, but my older son is very sensitive and emotional. My 15 year old is very strong, independent and doesn't believe all that is said to him. My Faith in God has gotten me though these almost 2 years. It still hurts just as bad today as it did then though, even though it is easier to talk about it openly in my support group and to close friends. Thanks again for your Mother's Day message. [name withheld by admin] [location withheld by admin], Indiana]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Thank you so much for this message. I had a really rough day yesterday. My 15 year old son spent the day with me, but his 17 year old brother cut off all communication with me 2 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him, wonder how he is doing, and pray to God that someday he will be back in my life. We used to be so close before my divorce. Suddenly, almost overnight, he made the decision that he wanted nothing to do with me. He has blocked me from his email, cell phone, and facebook page. The day before he turned 16 he called me to let me know of his decision. The following day he received a new car from his father and step-mom for his birthday.</p> <p>I spent all of my savings and liquidated my retirement accounts to pay attorney fees, Parenting Coordinator fees, etc. My ex-husband makes $600,000 per year, and I am a nurse and make $55,000. I ran out of money to keep fighting for my and my son’s rights, and my ex-husband knew this would happen. </p> <p>We share custody of my 15 year old and he spends about 50/50 time at each home. I refuse to bring him into the middle of the situation by asking him about his brother. He knows that I am sad and that it is hard on me. </p> <p>How common is it for one child to be alienated and the other not to be? The same things are being said to both of them, but my older son is very sensitive and emotional. My 15 year old is very strong, independent and doesn’t believe all that is said to him. </p> <p>My Faith in God has gotten me though these almost 2 years. It still hurts just as bad today as it did then though, even though it is easier to talk about it openly in my support group and to close friends.</p> <p>Thanks again for your Mother’s Day message.</p> <p>[name withheld by admin]<br /> [location withheld by admin], Indiana</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on PAX by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/03/23/pax/#comment-3018</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 09 May 2011 00:20:24 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=435#comment-3018</guid> <description><![CDATA[MISSOURI Anyone interested in organizing a support group in Missouri please email me at doc@warshak.com.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>MISSOURI</p> <p>Anyone interested in organizing a support group in Missouri please email me at <a href="mailto:doc@warshak.com">doc@warshak.com</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Milestone: 100 Five-Star Reviews of Divorce Poison on Amazon! by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/02/milestone-100-five-star-reviews-of-divorce-poison-on-amazon/#comment-3009</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 07 May 2011 16:51:00 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=487#comment-3009</guid> <description><![CDATA[Well, it didn't take long for another 5-star review to replace the one that went missing. So it's back up to 100 5-star reviews, thanks to another alienated mother who called the book "life-changing." Thanks to Florida Mom and all the other readers who take the time to post their reactions to <i>Divorce Poison.</i>]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Well, it didn’t take long for another 5-star review to replace the one that went missing. So it’s back up to 100 5-star reviews, thanks to another alienated mother who called the book “life-changing.” Thanks to Florida Mom and all the other readers who take the time to post their reactions to <i>Divorce Poison.</i></p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Parents Helping Parents: Tips from Victims of Divorce Poison by Janta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3002</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Janta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 06 May 2011 23:15:14 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=236#comment-3002</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-1931">alienated at 18</a>. Hi Alienated at 18 Thank you so much for your reply! I think it is really important and helpful to hear from children who have been there, and get an insight into how they felt and thought. Parental alienation is an ugly mind-game, and as an alienated parent I am constantly wondering what goes on inside my children's heads, and whether I am managing to leave any kind of impression on their minds that might undo the brainwashing they have undergone. Your comment reassures me that I am on the right course, and for that I am grateful. Also, your comment may well help someone else in your situation to understand what they are going through. Alienated children do not listen to their rejected parents or any adults who try to get through to them. However, they may listen to other children (no matter what age) who have been in the same headspace. I wish you and your family all the best for the future!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-1931">alienated at 18</a>.</p> <p>Hi Alienated at 18<br /> Thank you so much for your reply! I think it is really important and helpful to hear from children who have been there, and get an insight into how they felt and thought. Parental alienation is an ugly mind-game, and as an alienated parent I am constantly wondering what goes on inside my children’s heads, and whether I am managing to leave any kind of impression on their minds that might undo the brainwashing they have undergone. Your comment reassures me that I am on the right course, and for that I am grateful.<br /> Also, your comment may well help someone else in your situation to understand what they are going through. Alienated children do not listen to their rejected parents or any adults who try to get through to them. However, they may listen to other children (no matter what age) who have been in the same headspace. I wish you and your family all the best for the future!</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Parents Helping Parents: Tips from Victims of Divorce Poison by Janta </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-3001</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Janta]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 06 May 2011 23:06:44 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=236#comment-3001</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-2451">passyndrome</a>. How heart-breaking! Hang in there, and keep contact no matter what. Somewhere in your daughter's mind, it registers, even if she shows everything to her dad, and he puts his spin on everything you write or say. My daughters still live with my ex after almost three years of alienation, but I have seen definite improvements, from them refusing any contact with me at all and all kinds of rejection ("I'm old enough now - I don't need a mother anymore"; "You gave birth to me, but you are not a real mother"; etc.) to now seeing them about once a week (if I am lucky). However, when they do come to see me, they are cheerful and a lot more at ease. I put this down to following Dr Warshak's advice, and not giving up, no matter how hurt I am. And some days I do feel like giving up and telling my daughters that I have had enough, that I cannot take anymore, and that they can finally have what they wanted, which is to live with their dad and for me to leave them alone. Except, of course, I know that this is not really true. This is the poison their dad has injected into them; it is a lie, and I have to remind myself not to fall for it. So I continue to work at it. I am also lucky to have a very good support network - friends that are there for me night and day, if i need them. Make sure you look after yourself and do not get dragged down by the sadness. Trust that with persistence, things will improve eventually. Good luck!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2010/11/26/parents-helping-parents-tips-from-victims-of-divorce-poison/#comment-2451">passyndrome</a>.</p> <p>How heart-breaking! Hang in there, and keep contact no matter what. Somewhere in your daughter’s mind, it registers, even if she shows everything to her dad, and he puts his spin on everything you write or say. My daughters still live with my ex after almost three years of alienation, but I have seen definite improvements, from them refusing any contact with me at all and all kinds of rejection (“I’m old enough now – I don’t need a mother anymore”; “You gave birth to me, but you are not a real mother”; etc.) to now seeing them about once a week (if I am lucky). However, when they do come to see me, they are cheerful and a lot more at ease. I put this down to following Dr Warshak’s advice, and not giving up, no matter how hurt I am. And some days I do feel like giving up and telling my daughters that I have had enough, that I cannot take anymore, and that they can finally have what they wanted, which is to live with their dad and for me to leave them alone. Except, of course, I know that this is not really true. This is the poison their dad has injected into them; it is a lie, and I have to remind myself not to fall for it. So I continue to work at it. I am also lucky to have a very good support network – friends that are there for me night and day, if i need them. Make sure you look after yourself and do not get dragged down by the sadness. Trust that with persistence, things will improve eventually. Good luck!</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Milestone: 100 Five-Star Reviews of Divorce Poison on Amazon! by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/05/02/milestone-100-five-star-reviews-of-divorce-poison-on-amazon/#comment-3000</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 06 May 2011 20:35:35 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=487#comment-3000</guid> <description><![CDATA[After posting this, one of the 5-star reviews disappeared. Amazon congratulated me on the 100 5-star reviews but then explained that this happens from time to time, sometimes as an artifact of having different editions of the same book (e.g., e-book, paperback, hardcover). So, Divorce Poison is back to 99 5-star reviews until the next reader decides to leave a comment.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>After posting this, one of the 5-star reviews disappeared. Amazon congratulated me on the 100 5-star reviews but then explained that this happens from time to time, sometimes as an artifact of having different editions of the same book (e.g., e-book, paperback, hardcover). So, Divorce Poison is back to 99 5-star reviews until the next reader decides to leave a comment.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on Dr. Warshak’s Guide To Managing Holiday Blues by Pamela </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2010/12/22/dr-warshaks-guide-to-managing-holiday-blues/#comment-2968</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Pamela]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 03 May 2011 06:22:42 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=319#comment-2968</guid> <description><![CDATA[I feel especially sad a few days leading up to Mother's Day. It seems like CNN (which I watch almost everyday) starts doing their newscasts about Mother's Day and how special it is to mothers and children. Since I lost custody of my children 2 1/2 years ago (for no reason in particular) other than having a vicious and angry husband, I dread Mother's Day and the days that lead up to it. Last Mother's Day, I had to beg my exhusband to let me see my kids. Of course they were defiant and disrespectful when I picked them up and spent a couple of hours with them. Now Mother's Day is coming up and it will be the 4th (and final) weekly 2 hour visit due to a bogus CPS case that was filed and dropped. It was initiated by him and the kids. I have been through divorce alienation for 2 1/2 years but only read Dr Warshak's book 2 weeks ago. It was very revealing and helpful. I am going through court ordered family therapy and feel that it is very helpful. Though the exhusband has full custody and is an airline pilot who is out of town flying for 4 days/week, he has both sets of grandparents taking care of my children instead of me. The only bad thing I did was yelled at them when they were extremely defiant. They are 16, 12, and 11. Now that I have read Divorce Poison, I do not lose my temper anymore, but it is quite challenging. Like I said, Mother's Day will be my 4th and FINAL supervised visit. I have the hope that the judge will see how I am a victim of parental alienation and award sole custody to me. My next battle, though is keeping my exhusband from relocating my kids from [location withheld by admin] to [location withheld by admin] to be near his parents (and alienate me further.) The irony of the situation is that I have a BA in Psychology, spent 20 years in the Air Force, retired as a major, raised 3 gifted children and am now being labed as unfit and "crazy." This is very surprising to people who know me as a very involved parent for 15 years while my exhusband was not present 4 days a week for theiir entire lives (until the divorce.) I am still positive and will not give up on [name of children withheld by admin]. I love them too much. I had them when I was 37, 40 and 42 (all planned.) I will not give up!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I feel especially sad a few days leading up to Mother’s Day. It seems like CNN (which I watch almost everyday) starts doing their newscasts about Mother’s Day and how special it is to mothers and children.</p> <p>Since I lost custody of my children 2 1/2 years ago (for no reason in particular) other than having a vicious and angry husband, I dread Mother’s Day and the days that lead up to it.</p> <p>Last Mother’s Day, I had to beg my exhusband to let me see my kids. Of course they were defiant and disrespectful when I picked them up and spent a couple of hours with them.</p> <p>Now Mother’s Day is coming up and it will be the 4th (and final) weekly 2 hour visit due to a bogus CPS case that was filed and dropped. It was initiated by him and the kids.</p> <p>I have been through divorce alienation for 2 1/2 years but only read Dr Warshak’s book 2 weeks ago. It was very revealing and helpful. I am going through court ordered family therapy and feel that it is very helpful. Though the exhusband has full custody and is an airline pilot who is out of town flying for 4 days/week, he has both sets of grandparents taking care of my children instead of me.</p> <p>The only bad thing I did was yelled at them when they were extremely defiant. They are 16, 12, and 11. Now that I have read Divorce Poison, I do not lose my temper anymore, but it is quite challenging. Like I said, Mother’s Day will be my 4th and FINAL supervised visit. </p> <p>I have the hope that the judge will see how I am a victim of parental alienation and award sole custody to me. My next battle, though is keeping my exhusband from relocating my kids from [location withheld by admin] to [location withheld by admin] to be near his parents (and alienate me further.)</p> <p>The irony of the situation is that I have a BA in Psychology, spent 20 years in the Air Force, retired as a major, raised 3 gifted children and am now being labed as unfit and “crazy.”</p> <p>This is very surprising to people who know me as a very involved parent for 15 years while my exhusband was not present 4 days a week for theiir entire lives (until the divorce.)</p> <p>I am still positive and will not give up on [name of children withheld by admin]. I love them too much. I had them when I was 37, 40 and 42 (all planned.)</p> <p>I will not give up!</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on NY Higher Court Decision on Parental Alienation by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2921</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 28 Apr 2011 23:49:51 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=479#comment-2921</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2905">Deecee</a>. Campaigns of denigration do quite often `work,' in that the parents conducting them get what they want, with the complicity of the courts. But in the many cases I've observed at closer hand, the court and its ancillaries aren't being fooled, or don't not know essentially what's going on: rather their priorities are such that it doesn't matter or doesn't change the key points such as which parent has primary custody. An apparent stubborn refusal to acknowledge or investigate certain aspects of a case in a GAL usually reflects a desire to `please the court,' or a knowledge that the court is predisposed to be unresponsive to any suggestion pertaining to that area. The NY case that this post is about is interesting in that both courts involved turned down the minor's counsel's seemingly extreme motion, but there's not enough information about the case in the open to really know what to make of it.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2905">Deecee</a>.</p> <p>Campaigns of denigration do quite often `work,’ in that the parents conducting them get what they want, with the complicity of the courts. But in the many cases I’ve observed at closer hand, the court and its ancillaries aren’t being fooled, or don’t not know essentially what’s going on: rather their priorities are such that it doesn’t matter or doesn’t change the key points such as which parent has primary custody.</p> <p>An apparent stubborn refusal to acknowledge or investigate certain aspects of a case in a GAL usually reflects a desire to `please the court,’ or a knowledge that the court is predisposed to be unresponsive to any suggestion pertaining to that area.</p> <p>The NY case that this post is about is interesting in that both courts involved turned down the minor’s counsel’s seemingly extreme motion, but there’s not enough information about the case in the open to really know what to make of it.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on NY Higher Court Decision on Parental Alienation by Dr. Richard A. Warshak </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2919</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Richard A. Warshak]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 28 Apr 2011 18:30:10 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=479#comment-2919</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2908">EC</a>. See the comment below by Deecee that relates to your observation.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2908">EC</a>.</p> <p>See the comment below by Deecee that relates to your observation.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> <item> <title> Comment on NY Higher Court Decision on Parental Alienation by EC </title> <link>https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2908</link> <dc:creator><![CDATA[EC]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 27 Apr 2011 22:57:48 +0000</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://warshak.com/blog/?p=479#comment-2908</guid> <description><![CDATA[In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2880">Paul Zieleniewski</a>. In several replies on this blog I've tried to suggest that the family courts definitely engender a significant amount of parental alienation, and what it is about the way the courts make decisions---in which intra-parental conflict figures prominently---that's responsible for it. In this New York case it's the minor's counsel, who essentially works for the courts, who wants to sever the child-parent bond completely: the custodial father, although he apparently has done things to alienate the daughter from the mother, only wanted supervised visitation for the her, because, he said, of the situation with the ex-mother-in-law. It wasn't an issue raised in the appeal, but the appeals court apparently had no problem with the trial court having dismissed the mother's request for some enforcement of the custody order.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In reply to <a href="https://warshak.com/blog/2011/04/23/ny-higher-court-decision-on-parental-alienation/#comment-2880">Paul Zieleniewski</a>.</p> <p>In several replies on this blog I’ve tried to suggest that the family courts definitely engender a significant amount of parental alienation, and what it is about the way the courts make decisions—in which intra-parental conflict figures prominently—that’s responsible for it.</p> <p>In this New York case it’s the minor’s counsel, who essentially works for the courts, who wants to sever the child-parent bond completely: the custodial father, although he apparently has done things to alienate the daughter from the mother, only wanted supervised visitation for the her, because, he said, of the situation with the ex-mother-in-law. It wasn’t an issue raised in the appeal, but the appeals court apparently had no problem with the trial court having dismissed the mother’s request for some enforcement of the custody order.</p> ]]></content:encoded> </item> </channel> </rss>