The American Film Institute ranks it the greatest comedy film quote of all time.
In the 1959 classic, Some Like It Hot, Jerry—played by Jack Lemmon—finds himself, after a wild chain of misadventures, disguised as a woman and engaged to eccentric millionaire Osgood Fielding III. Desperate to call off the engagement, Jerry finally rips off his wig and shouts, “I’m a man!” Unfazed, Osgood—played with Joe E. Brown’s signature rubbery grin—delivers the iconic punchline: “Well, nobody’s perfect.”
That simple truth is also my answer when someone defends a child’s rejection of a parent by pointing out that parent’s imperfections.
It’s not always easy to distinguish a child’s natural and reasonable reluctance to spend time alone with a parent from a child’s irrational rejection of a parent due to manipulation. And sometimes a child’s legitimate preference for a parent is mistaken for rejection of the other parent. I discuss these false positives in a paper published by the American Psychological Association, reprinted in The Psychology of Alienated Children. (APA sells the published article alone for nearly half the price of my 15-chapter book.)
However, in many severe alienation cases I consult on, the children once had a warm, loving bond with the now-rejected parent. They spent joyful time together—outside the other parent’s presence. But after the separation, the aligned parent actively campaigned for the children’s allegiance, teaching them to mistrust, fear, and even hate the other parent. These children are victims of divorce poison.
Unless there has been a major change in the rejected parent’s behavior since separation, the children’s complaints often amount to rationalizations—justifications that don’t truly explain the deep rejection.
Even if the rejected parent is less sensitive, less flexible, or simply less fun than the favored parent, that doesn’t mean they are undeserving of their children’s love. Being imperfect does not mean being worthless. No one among us is perfect—and no child benefits from losing a devoted parent because of ordinary human flaws.
Of course, some situations involve true danger, abuse, or neglect, and protecting children is paramount. But many courtroom battles revolve around children resisting a relationship with a “good-enough” parent. In these cases, our challenge is to build a structure and schedule that supports strong, healthy relationships with both parents. Allowing a child to disown a parent simply because that parent is not the “favorite” deprives the child of a lifelong source of support, love, and investment. Our laws recognize the vital role both parents play in a child’s life. None encourage erasing a parent due to personality differences.
So, when children, coached or otherwise, recite a list of grievances against a parent who has loved them, nurtured them, and never harmed them, what should we say?
Nobody’s perfect.
Watch the brilliant delivery of this timeless line by Joe E. Brown to Jack Lemmon
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