In Treatment

If you have your antennae out for references relevant to parental alienation, you will find plenty. I have seen a couple of examples in the current season of the HBO series, In Treatment. For those unfamiliar with this series, each episode depicts a condensed psychotherapy session with one of four patients who are followed through the season. The writing is tight, moving, and insightful. The acting is superb. From HBO’s website:

An emotional and provocative series ‘In Treatment’ brings dynamic focus to a staple of modern society – the psychotherapy session. Adapted from a popular Israeli series, the show follows psychoanalyst Paul Weston (Gabriel Bryne, who won a Golden Globe® for his role) through his week, capturing sessions with his patients.

In the episode titled: Week 1 – 80: Frances, we meet a former stage and screen star played flawlessly by Debra Winger, a three-time Oscar® nominee (Best Actress for performances in An Officer and a Gentleman, Shadowlands, and Terms of Endearment) and a Golden Globe® nominee (Best Actress for her performance in A Dangerous Woman).

In one scene Frances talks about her daughter, Izzy, who has moved in full-time with Frances’ ex-husband, Russell. Izzy is alienated from her mother. Frances mentions that “history is being rewritten by Izzy” to blot out the mother’s contributions and sacrifices for her child’s welfare. (Did the writers read the Revisionist History section in Divorce Poison – page 165 of the 2010 edition?)

As Frances describes the contempt that Izzy heaps on her mother on social networking websites, Paul responds, “It’s not easy to withstand a child’s anger, scorn, and just to be there to love them anyway, even when they reject you. It’s very stressful.”

I have seen only session one with Frances and it is too early to determine the roots of Izzy’s alienation from her mother. Knowing the show, I expect the picture that emerges will be nuanced and multi-faceted. Perhaps we will learn about a teen with grievances against her parents, who was hit hard by the divorce, who feels less secure in her bond with her dad, and whose dad exploits all the above to reinforce his daughter’s rejection of her mother rather than help the child see and treat her mother in a more balanced and fair light.

Izzy’s aunt Patricia (France’s sister) is dying, and this, too, may contribute to Izzy pushing her mother away: Perhaps Izzy is trying to avoid the feelings of vulnerability that are evoked by the prospect of the death of a loved one.  The underlying dynamic may amount to, “The fact that my aunt is dying arouses anxiety about the prospect of losing my mother. To avoid this anxiety I keep myself unaware of my strong bond to my mom. I act like I do not love Mom because I cannot bear the thought of losing her.”

I am fairly sure that the writers will reveal that, despite Izzy’s overt behavior, she has not really stopped loving her mother. This is a lesson that alienated parents need to take to heart. The strong bond between a parent and child does not evaporate so easily. It is a lesson that judges need to know when making decisions for children who claim to hate a parent, who say, so convincingly, that they never want to see a parent again, and whose estrangement appears to be beyond healing. The hurt behind the child’s anger needs to be seen — by judges, by therapists, and by parents. It is something I tried to evoke in my DVD, Welcome Back, Pluto: Understanding, Preventing, and Overcoming Parental Alienation.

For more television shows and films with references to parental alienation, I invite you to visit the Alienation Busters page on my website.