At times parents find it difficult to show patience with irrationally alienated children who act disrespectfully. To respond sensitively, parents and professionals need to understand why alienated children act as they do. Also, when alienated children themselves better understand their motives, this can help them control their behavior. Here are some reasons why children might side with a parent (and sometimes other relatives) against their other parent.
- Choosing sides makes some children feel less confused about which side is right, and they hope this will keep them out of the middle of their parents’ conflicts.
- Children sympathize with parents who act sad and helpless.
- Children choose sides to feel accepted. They learn to hate one parent to feel loved by the other.
- Children may feel they have no choice but to reject a parent to please the other parent, and thus can avoid the alienating parent’s anger directed toward them.
- Children may be manipulated to believe a parent is unworthy of their love and respect.
A future post will include tips for children who reject, or at risk for rejecting, a parent. If you cannot wait for the post, find these tips in the video, Welcome Back, Pluto, which speaks directly to children and teens.