Stop Divorce Poison exposed the fallacy of assuming that both parents always contribute equally to their conflicts. When it comes to the psychology of alienated children, though, it is equally important to avoid reducing complex dynamics to a single factor.
Nearly all childhood emotional and behavior problems are multi-layered, and parent-child conflicts are no exception. The favored parent’s negative influence is the most obvious ingredient in cases where children unreasonably reject a parent. Other factors include aspects of the current and past family situation, the child’s own personality, and the rejected parent’s response to rejection. In some families, children are more apt to align with a parent who has been historically less available or whose love the children view as more tenuous and contingent upon their undiluted loyalty (defined as sharing the parent’s negative view of the other parent).
Children’s own anger, insecurities, and confusion help determine who will succumb and who will resist efforts to undermine their love and respect of a parent. Some children get fed up with non-stop bad-mouthing and end up rejecting the parent who dispenses divorce poison. Welcome Back, Pluto labels this “blowback.”
Good fictional accounts of alienated parent-child relationships capture the complexity of the problem better than advocates who, similar to alienating parents, demonize those with different opinions. For an example of such an account, see my post on In Treatment.
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