A therapist’s advice column instructed alienated parents to take the type of proactive stance that I advocate in Divorce Poison to prevent and overcome parental alienation, and concluded by urging rejecting parents to persist in efforts to resolve the problem and “don’t give up.” In a heart-felt response, a father who has lost contact with his two children (now young adults) reminds us that parents can reach a point where they must accept the reality of the estrangement and embrace what is good in their lives. I adapted the following from the comment I posted in my reply.
For some parents it makes sense to accept their children’s estrangement as something they cannot change. The book, Divorce Poison: How To Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing, includes a chapter that helps parents decide whether to let go and how best to do so.
Parents need to know, though, that after years of estrangement, it may help to reevaluate the decision. A child’s rejection of one parent, when under the influence of the other parent, can make the rejected parent feel hopeless and helpless about being able to repair the ruptured relationship. But when children mature and move outside the orbit of the parent who manipulated their affections, this may present an opportunity to reestablish contact.
Some young adults are relatively unaware of why they have no contact with one parent and that parent’s extended family. The rejected parent may have stopped reaching out to the child and is unaware that the child, as a young adult, may be more receptive to an overture from the absent parent. Click here for a discussion about reunification with college students.
I have heard from two college professors who show their undergraduates a video that teaches how children come to reject a parent and why it is so important that they reconnect with the parent and claim their birthright to give and receive love from both parents. After seeing Welcome Back, Pluto: Understanding, Preventing, and Overcoming Parental Alienation, many of these college students have an awakening. One professor said: “After watching Pluto, almost a dozen students have contacted their fathers, asking to renew and rebuild their relationships.” The drawback to reaching out to an estranged child is that it reopens old wounds for a parent who may have come to terms with the loss of the child. For many parents, this is a risk worth taking.